The Constants

   
     Life is like algebra. Every day is an equation you have to find the answer to. I, almost failing algebra last year, am not very good at solving everyday equations or finding a constant to replace a variable. But sometimes when everyday turns monotonous and variables are supposed to be what fills your day with excitement,  the constants turn into the only thing that keeps you holding on at night. When you feel like you've reached your limit you turn to the things you know how to do to bring even the tiniest sliver of suspense into your day. Usually my constants are well... constant, but lately they've all gone out of wack. It's annoying when three times in one day a low blood sugar pops up onto the screen. Sure they can be all 60's but they suck. Being low has become a constant. The variable is when and how long it lasts and how long until the next one hits. I don't know about you, but this is not the kind of suspense I want in my life. In the words of Katy Perry; "Days like this I want to drive away, pack my bags and watch your shadow fade." Sometimes when I listen to that song I just want to shout "Preach it Katy!" But that would be awkward so I refrain from doing so. One thing I know for sure is I have to reinvent the way I fight this. I have to change my variables back into things I can handle, and my constants back into things I can live with.

• I've found new ways to treat lows. I started getting tired of Luna Bars and juice boxes, so I've started using peanut butter crackers and nerds. (I still use my juice box for super wonky lows) 
• I've been going to sleep earlier so maybe I can wake up a little more energized.
• I exercise nightly (or at least try) on top of color guard.
• And I've learned to let lows roll off my back. I have a strong group of people who know sometimes we just have to laugh about it. 
• And just switch it up. I'm a routined person. Everything happens at the exact same time the exact same way. I'm trying with everything I have to pry away from that and try new things. 

     It's just the little things that I'm hoping will pull me out of what ever funk I'm in. So if you're in a funk I encourage you to try the new things. They may just be little things, but maybe they'll help. I don't know maybe it's a long shot. But I'm willing to try. 

Keep your head up and pull out of the funk,

Ellie <3 

Tagging On A Low

It's not something I tell people flat out. It doesn't come up in a normal conversation. It lives in my purse when I go out and only sees the light of day when my body decides it wants to. Medically I don't share this with a lot of people. I'm an idependent person who has trusted a few select people to know the details of what to do during a serious low blood sugar and then that was that. There's no walking up to people and being like "hey I have a medical condition blah blah blah." No. I keep it to myself unless I have to tell people. Like yesterday. My cousin had her birthday party at a place called laser quest. It was a laser tag birthday party and you can bet I dominated. I'm beast at laser tag and came out of the first round in 6th place. Or 2nd with the party I was with. One of our family friends and I are really competitive. He pesters me I pester right back. We get pretty serious when it comes to talking smack. Well after the first game I was shaky, dizzy, and really tired which just isn't normal for me. I walked out to the car to grab my purse and testing kit. I sat there in the sun drinking a juice box treating a 54. I walked back in and kinda gravitated towards the corner in a silent daze. Well the family friend came over to talk smack for the second game and my heart just wasn't in it. I sat there half playing along half concentrating on doing carb to blood sugar ratio math and half concentrating on not falling asleep. 15 minutes later I was being forced into a second laser match with out getting a chance to retest or take something fast acting with me. I was just thrown in. I teamed up with a little girl who has known me her entire life, but never knew about the whole blood sugar thing. She thought that when I sat down I was just resting because of the intensity of the game, not because I couldn't feel my feet. Finally 15 minutes was up and I was out at debriefing waiting for my crappy score. Minutes later we were singing happy birthday, and eating lunch and it got so hot and stuffy inside the party room that me and a couple other people went outside to eat on the curb and get a little fresh air. That's when it happened. The question. "Why aren't you fighting back." He asked me (the pestering one). I replied with my sarcastic "you were being mean" line. Then I said, "no actually I was at the point like I was feeling faint and dizzy and I really didn't want to talk to anybody at the time." Blank face. "I have hypoglycemia, my body produces to much insulin, or at least that's what they think, my blood sugar dropped low between games and I didn't really have a good chance to correct it." He understood. Somebody he worked with had diabetes, type one. He knew about low blood sugar and them having to treat lows, he didn't know I was in that state or he would have left me alone. He knew. That was a rare response to that type of conversation, but it was nice to know somebody didn't have to be 100% educated. They already knew. I probably should have told him earlier because there house is on my way to the bus stop and if I ever had an emergency that would be the closest place to go, but they know know. I'm fine and I still got a higher score at laser tag. Just goes to show tagging on a low is never good, but everything can still turn out okay.

Keep your head up and your lasers ready,
Ellie <3

Monday

     On Monday I have an appointment with my pediatrition to talk about our "next step". I've taken so many steps in the past couple of months I don't even want to think about this one. I want definitive answers as to why, how, and what to do next and my mom wants the calls from the superintendent at the bus depot to have to stop calling her for permission to let me off the bus with a blood sugar of 40. We are hoping they order two tests the glucose tolerance test and a mixed meals test. Reactive hypoglycemia was what they said I have, but they never gave me many answers after that. They are now looking back through all the negative tests, my symptoms, and some other things and realizing I could have GSD or I could just be dealing with a bad case of reactive hypoglycemia. At this point its all up in the air. Lows are getting scarier and I'm getting more anxious for answers. So Monday is the day. Wish me luck.

Keep your head up and me in your prayers,
Ellie <3

Unicorns, Shady People In Wyoming, and Who Knows What Else

I have made yet another vlog, and before you watch it I feel you should know/ be aware of a few things.

• I had absolutely NO voice 3 hours prior to recording this, thus the sicky sound.
• I have so much hairspray in my hair I could keep a grandma's dentures in her mouth and there are still a bunch of ugly fly aways.
• I am very awkward on camera and I swear I'm not that awkward in real person so no need to fret. 
• Is fret a word?
• And from watching this video you would think I have ADHD or something, I swear to you I don't. I'm just a quick topic jumper so sorry if it's hard to keep up.
• Lastly, I'm sorry if I offend you with my old person line. It's totally true though. 
• With all that said, here you go!

Keep your head up and your unicorns close,
Ellie <3

"I will NOT Punch The Mail Man... Today"

I get on the bus at a lower than awesome 57. I take 1 sugar shot of 14 carbs (not a legit shot like with needles, but like alcohol kinda shot.) ((I've realized what I just said came out very very very wrong!!)) Anyways I had 14 carbs thanks to the Nerds candy. Then a friend was like "Yo! I got you a cookie" Those words are like music to my ears so I ate my cookie getting off the bus with an exact 80. I got into the groove of walking home and totally spaced out. I'm not sure if I can blame the low for this one or if I'm just that spacy. Any who, I spaced out and out of nowhere the mail man comes out of this guys yard. He was whistling , I was spaced out, it just didn't go well. All of a sudden I heard his footsteps and almost punched the guy in the nose. It was a new mail man the other guy knows I will punch you if you come out of nowhere and he always keeps his distance. This guy... not so much. So as I ball my fist up to punch the guy I realize who it was and told myself "Smile and nod keep walking home, you got this." 

I did NOT punch the poor mailman and I DID make it home. Just a day in the life of a blonde person reminiscing about a cookie. 

Keep your head up and your cookies near,

Ellie <3 

Welcome To The Team

This is Herman. Well... that is not Herman, my Herman looks exactly like this, but he's tucked away nicely in my unicorn skull bag and will be resting there until midnight tonight when I pull him out to test again. I got him about a week ago from a fancy place called Walmart and got him all gussied up and had him meet the nurse and the doctor and all those fun people and then today got to test with him for the first time!! It was a beautiful 107. I LOOVE Hermin. He's skinny and one of my favorite colors, and he's everything a person who has to check their blood sugar would want. The only thing I don't like is the lancet he comes with, but there's an easy fix to that. I use my old lancet the Multiclix lancing device. I love that it has 6 needles in one drum and I never have to see the needles! I also don't like the case, but really who does? So that's it. I will be posting a vlog sometime soon to properly introduce my Herman. But until then I guess you'll just have to wait. :)

Keep your head up and your blood sugar in check,
Ellie <3

A Letter To Target

Dearest Target,
Why oh why must you pump insulin through the vents? I don't understand. I come in happy and rollin steady in the 100's and walk in and exactly at that precise moment I drop low. Into the 60's and when I forgot something and had to come back you plummeted me back down. WTF?! I just wanna shop in peace while feeling my feet. I needed test strips, but I end up buying glucose tabs with them because Target you can't figure out your freakin ventilation system. And I know I could have done something to prevent this like eating moreish, but there's only so much a girl can handle on a nightly basis. AHHHHH!!! Fail Target, Fail.
Love Always,
Ellie <3