Monday, April 22, 2013

I Finally Got What I Came For

     Today was my neurologist appointment. The one that was supposed to tell me once again there was nothing wrong with me, the one that was supposed to blow me off once again as someone who will grow out of it, the doctor that I was constantly told "not to hold my breath for." I got an answer. Finally for once I got what I came for. I got an answer.
     I got a diagnoses, a solid plan of attack, and a positive report overall. I was diagnosed with something so simple everyone thinks it's almost sad no one thought of this before. It doesn't explain the hypoglycemia, but I've come to terms with that fact. I'd much rather have to treat a low blood sugar than be found on the floor by the janitor. The neurologist spent 20 minutes talking to me asking me questions about every episode reading the journal I brought with me explaining everything he took the time to listen and I don't think anybody who hasn't been in the same position as me will ever understand how much that meant to me. He did an evaluation and handed me a packet. I'm officially diagnosed with Acute Confusional Migraines. Migraines, that's all it was. The blood vessels in my brain were constricting and I was firing something or other way to fast and my brain can't keep up with it. Well, that's what I got from his explanation. It causes literally every symptom I've been getting. Blurry vision when ever I'm trying to read something, jelly legs, shakiness  dizziness, nausea which has caused me to throw up,disorientation, EVERYTHING. Other people who have also had it describe one of they're symptoms as they're head filling up with air or water.. my mom thought I was just making that up! It's real! It causes people to forget their names, what they were doing, or where they need to go. It literally covers every symptom I have felt with this, including the blackout spells, fainting, and not being able to remember what's happened to me! He gave me a prescription for medication (don't ask me what it's called cuz I got no clue) but I take it when ever I feel the first symptom like it has to be with in the first two-three minutes and within fifteen minutes I'm supposed to magically feel 10x better. And you know what, I believe him. He's says it will help if I rest after I take one, but if I would like to and I am able to I can return to my normal activities and it doesn't cause drowsiness. He also gave me, I kid you not, "headache packet" it has a calendar and every time I get an episode I have to look back and write down things that might have triggered it. Hopefully soon, I will have a personalized list of do's and don'ts to prevent more of these migraines to happen. No one understands how happy I am to finally have a diagnoses and to have a plan. I came home and cried for a good 20 minutes because I was so relieved. He is ordering and EEG and an MRI just to be absolute sure I'm not epileptic or anything more serious, but this is it. This is the answer I've been fainting for over three months for. This. Is. It. I feel so relieved, so happy, so free. I can finally be myself again. I finally have my life back. Hopefully the medications work like they're supposed to and this is all solved. I finally got what I came for, and it feels amazing.

Now that I can proceed with guard with out passing out I'll be able to kick
more major butt at competitions! :D

Keep your head up and always look forward for tomorrow,
Ellie <3

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

My Head Fills With Water

       It was a water break. I felt fine, stressed, but other than that fine. I walked out of the gym and into the bathroom to wet a paper towel. Like every other water break I placed the cool towel on my head, rested my feet parallel up against the wall and laid on the floor in an attempted 90 degree angle, it's how I calm down and decompress. When the break is over someone comes out and collects me and we begin practice again. It's a routine, one that I'm used to, one that works for me. Well, at least until it doesn't work for me.
     On Monday night I was laying there, and the last thing I remember is my head filling up with water. The next thing I remember is my guard instructor and a janitor standing over me asking me to many questions waay to fast. I at the time had no idea who they were or where I was or why anyone was standing over me. My guard instructor told me I was a school for practice and them helped me up and back into the gym while I sat there pretty much crying the rest of the practice. When practice was over I got in my car and drove home. Still unsure of what happened, still not feeling back up to par, still crying. I didn't tell my mom, but I did tell Mrs. M my school nurse because now I'm scared to go to guard. I got the whole story Tuesday afternoon when my friend Maddy said she came out and nudged me a couple times (apparently I never responded) she went to get my instructor and while she was gone a janitor was sweeping past me and asked me if I was okay, he too went to find my instructor because I did not respond. I guess I had blacked out while lying down and I don't remember any of it... sadly, this is the third time this has happened in the past two weeks. Once last Wednesday in my English class, once Sunday morning on my church floor, and Monday night. I don't remember any of it and it freaks me out. It makes me scared to drive anywhere, it makes me scared to do guard or go running. It's no longer just my blood sugars anymore, I have those as under control as they're gonna get. It's just I keep blacking out. I've only told my mother about one of them because when I tell her I get a lecture on how "it's probably just stress, I'm probably over reacting, you're just making this all up to get attention." So I've stopped telling her. I started a folder and I write down EVERYTHING, from what I feel, to what people tell me happened after the fact. I have a neurologist app. on the 22nd because it's gotten so bad, and the school nurse is considering pulling me from color guard until I have the approval of the doctor to come back, I asked her not to because we have to competitions left and they're both circut finals and I can't let my team down. But it really does scare me and I really don't want to do guard. The fact that I can't remember what's happening to myself freaks me out. The only semi-good thing is every time I did blackout about five minutes before it's happening I feel my head filling up with water, don't ask me how that feels because I honestly can't explain it, but people know when I complain about my head filling with water I NEED to go to the nurse or not be alone. Hopefully we figure out what's wrong soon and I can move on with my life because this is becoming pretty annoying.

Keep your head and your spirits up,
Ellie <3