Heck Yeah I did!

     I've had a few good days lately. Sure, I'm still blacking out, sure I'm still frustrated, but by golly I've had a couple "heck yeah!" moments this week. Starting with Thursday.
~Wednesday I had my first seizure free day in one whole month! "Heck yeah I was!"
~Thursday I had my first few blackouts at school, but my teachers and I handled it quite beautifully and none of us freaked out. "Heck yeah we did!"

     On Thursday afternoon my mom and I left for Wyoming to go visit some family members of ours. She does cranial therapy which quite honestly I still don't understand, but it was supposed to help and I'm kinda grasping at straws here so I went. He is a highway patrol officer who was a paramedic before. It was an interesting weekend.

Race Day 

~Well I made it the eight hour trip. "Heck yeah I did!"
~I ran a 5k with out blacking out in the middle of the road. "Double heck yeah I did!
~Woke up at 4:30 am with a blood sugar of 45 and got it back in range with in 30 mins. and woke up with a 95 the next morning. "Heck yeah I did!"
 I also thought I would share some other interesting findings with you.. So this weekend I was just kinda chilling and I blacked out. Well after they found me 15-20 minutes later I went and sat down and I was just like super dizzy. So he decided to check my vitals just to see if we could find anything. So he checked my pupils they responded fine I guess (I don't really know what that necessarily means but I guess it's a good thing.) Anyways, and then he checked my blood pressure, I don't remember what it was, but I don't think it was anywhere out of the ordinary. And then he was just kinda checking my pulse and I blacked out. When I woke up he said that he could feel it happening because my pulse just kinda disappeared. He said it was fine it was staying normal and then all of a sudden it was gone. Just like that, gone. Just for a few seconds and then when I started convulsing like I normally do it came back. The frustrating part is my EKG and echos come back normal every time. Wouldn't they show that? So after this whole glucose this we are for sure going back to the cardiologist and getting me on a Holter Monitor or what ever that's called because by golly that's just weird... and not normal. So yeah that happened.

     Today I also had a endocrinologist appointment with a different endo than the one I went to a few years back.
~Got a CGM put on for three days and have actually kept the food log up to date for more than three hours. "Heck yeah I did!"
    ~Trying to upload the picture of the CGM is gonna be a "heck no I can't", but if you follow me on instagram or twitter I posted it.

    Lately I've discovered that it's good to let yourself celebrate the positives. Because it's not the negatives or the positives that define you. It's how you handle what it thrown your way. What were your wins this week?

Keep your head up and celebrate the positives,
Ellie <3

Part 1 Of My Mystery Medical Condition

     This post starts a few weeks back, and the story is still evolving but I'm ready to share so here goes.

The group I went to NYG with. :)

     A few weeks ago I was given to opportunity to San Antonio with my church to the National Youth Gathering. Let me put this in perspective. I was going to San Antonio with out my parentals, there was 25,000 other teens who were also in attendance. I was excited, nervous, but excited. A few days in we were sitting in a group waiting for our chaperons to come back from a meeting when all of a sudden I was surrounded by paramedics. Apparently I blacked out at some point. No warning, no symptoms, nothing. I was told that I was all sorts of disoriented. Which makes it all the more fun to explain that this happens a lot when I finally came around. The gathering had a safety team which was dispatched, but there was nothing they could really do. The gathering also had EMT's on call at both the convention center and the Alamo Dome, they were called. By the time they responded and I was taken back to first aid I had became fully aware. They took my vitals, and incident report, all that jazz and I was free to go. That's what I thought was the last of it... I was a little to hopeful. Yes, I indeed blacked out at least twice a day.. every day the rest of the week. Almost with out fail. My parents were called every time and at one point I was sent to the clinic. I was not allowed to participate in daily activities with the rest of my group and I was banished to the hotel unless we were at the mass event or dinner. It sucked. And it most definitely wasn't fair. I understand my chaperons didn't know what was going on with me, and that they were just looking out for my best interests, but it happened at the hotel too, when I was alone. It's not fun to wake up on the bathroom floor of an unfamiliar place knowing exactly what happened, but not having any recollection of what happened. I became the outcast of the group. Only one of the girls would really make conversation with me, and I was on a first name basis with the EMT's and the head of the safety team. It sucked. I was hoping it was all a freak thing and when I got back home and in my routine it would stop. It didn't. I had a check-up appointment with my neurologist the next Tuesday after I got back. My mom had never actually seen a black out episode so when it happened right in front of her she didn't really know what to do. I was sitting in the examine room with her in the chair next to me waiting for the doctor. I'm sure I was rubbing my finger tips together like I normally do right before it happens, but she's never seen an episode so this probably didn't raise any red flags. But apparently I fell over onto her. She thought I was just screwing around and was really confused when I told her I had no recollection of what she was talking about, or where I was. Well she can check seeing an episode off of her list I guess. The doctor had nothing to say except order a 24hr EEG and send me to a cardiologist... for the third time. <-- this information will come in hand for part two of this mystery. And for now I'm supposed to just consider myself epileptic. But then, a few days after my appointment they went back down to maybe one or two a week. I'm really confused, my parents have given up and are pretty much considering me a hypochondriac even though they've both now seen an episode in person. I'm just up a creek with out a paddle and once again fighting.. alone. Even though I had a crappy time in San Antonio (besides all the cool parts of it) I miss having the EMT's who knew me and actually tried to help instead of shutting me out and kind of leaving me for dead.  I guess I need to just take my own advice: Keep my head up. :)

On the left was the head of the safety team at NYG. And on the right
was one of the EMT's. It's sad we all wanted a good bye picture before I left because we became such good friends.

Keep your head up and keep smiling, 

Ellie <3

The Joys Of Flying...

I had my headphones in so I couldn't tell you why we were still sitting at the gate, but we were. There was a lady sitting next to me with a pilots uniform on and she looked friendly, but she was on the phone so I was going to ask her why we were still sitting here. I just ducked my head back down and listened to my music. The funny thing was. It felt like we were moving. I looked up and everything was spinning in my right eye and everything was blurry in my left. The buckled sign was still lit so maybe we were in the air.. I don't know my window shade was down. I panicked. TSA made me chuck my emergency water at security because of it's suspicious seal (they also had to pat down my butt and swab my hands so I'm a little confused about them). I didn't know what to do. I just figured I'd roll through the motions. I figured I'd let myself pass out and then be fine. I was so dizzy, the entire right side of my body was numb and at this point I couldn't tell you which way was up and which way was down. I flipped down my tray and laid my head down on my arms like maybe sleeping would help. I could feel my heart ripping out of my chest at a million miles a minute and my breathing intensified. I felt someone place their hand on my back and I looked up in tears at this point. The pilot sitting next to me asked if I had a headache. She saw me crying and I said yes and that I needed water so I could take my meds. Just then we were told we were about to taxi back from the gate. She still got up and got me water as I prepped my meds. She said as soon as we take off she would poor it as we were just about to start our accent. She talked so calmly, she kept checking on me, asked me what else she needed to do or if it was just a headache. I handed her my emergency sheet with what's going on because at this point I couldn't form words. She was awesome at making sure I got the water and kept checking on me to make sure I was a) still breathing and b) still knew my name and where I was. Thankfully I got my medication in my system in time and nothing more serious happened because at 13,000 feet or however high we are that can be bad. But I am so thankful Southwest hires such amazing people to work for them, who will go above and beyond what they're only paid today and help others who are in need. She didn't even think twice about helping me. And I'm so thankful she was there. That's just one of the many reasons I try to always fly Southwest. I did email them to compliment them and to pass the message along to this pilot, and I know she probably won't get my email thank you and I did thank her on the plane. But I truly am SO thankful she stepped up to the plate because who knows what would have happened.

Keep your head up and travel safe this summer,
Ellie <3

The Polar Express

     The holidays have always been my favorite. My family has so many traditions that you can't help but smile at. One of them is going to the Polar Express in Ely, Nevada the first weekend of December EVERY year. This year we had a group of 23 that met up and dominated the small town all weekend. It was fantastic. Here are just a few pictures from the weekend, more may come soon. I hope you enjoy the laugh. :D 

These are all the "kids" that were with us at the Ely craft fair. The oldest Patrick pointing at Santa was trying to tickle him, Santa wasn't to thrilled with that though. 

This is Victoria, Taylir, and I waiting to get on the train to go to the North Pole! 

This is my Father's Maybelline look as he calls it and a creepy statue behind him, I mean look at the smile on that guy it horrible.  

Cutting down our Christmas tree in the fridged cold... 

Some family members and I :) If you look at the girl in the yellow we have matching PJ's cheapest  pj's I've ever bought. 

Our Christmas card picture this year. Aren't we adorable?

The Polar Express is part of our Christmas tradition, what are some of yours? Merry Christmas season everyone! Keep your head up and the Christmas spirit alive,

Ellie <3

I've Never Seen It Happen To Anyone Else

I live in Nevada so we got Nevada Day off yesterday, and my church decided to take a youth trip to Six Flags in California. Our group took seven kids total and three adults. Our new Pastor came with us and when we were taking the little trolly up to the top of the hill at the park he looked over at my mother and the other chaperon and said just so you know I am Type One Diabetic and we may have to stop and eat more than once. He told them that he carried his meter and his pump, but he didn't want to bring any snacks into the park. He then listed the warning signs and said just get me juice and have me drink it. Now my mom has never really engaged in my hypoglycemia, she's just kinda let me take care of it and we never really spoke of it. That why when she said "oh my daughter has hypoglycemia" it kind of took me by shock. I let him know that I had plenty of juice boxes, granola bars, and fruit snacks to supply the both of us and he just needed to let me know when he needed one. Our groups split up and we went on our ways. It was so much fun, SUPER EXPENSIVE, but so much fun. At the end of the night we met back up at the front of the park so we could head out towards the cars. It was around 6:30 and I hadn't eaten dinner, but I had kept on the snacks. I tested my blood sugar and was surprised when a 36 stared me back. Then it hit me. We got in the car on our way to Taco Bell and I kinda lost it. There was crying, and panic attacks, and fruit snacks flying, and laughter at me from the back seat is was not fun at all. So when we got to Taco Bell my mom ordered my food and I found a table and put my head down. I could feel myself morphing back into a human being as I had already had 2 juice boxes and a fruit snack. And as I was eating our Pastor looked over at me and was like "You seem to be waking back up." And I was kinda like giving him a death stare, I didn't mean to, but it just kinda happened."I was 36, I now have 90 some odd carbs floating around in my body, I better be waking back up." His mouth dropped and he said "That's what it looks like to be low? I've never seen it happen to anybody else. I saw all the warning signs when we were walking back to the car I just didn't really think about it." It just surprised him and caught him off guard that, that's what a low looks like. He's probably been through it a million times we just never really see it happening to other people. I also realized I'm not alone. I wasn't there when it happened, but I guess he dropped at the park too.. There really isn't a moral to this story, it was just one of those day in the life kinda things. :) 

Keep your head up and have a safe Halloween,

Ellie <3 

Keeping My Happy Face On

     I haven't posted in a while. Life has simply gotten away from me. In a matter of weeks I got my license, got a job, finish my second year of high school, got a boyfriend, and started being completely independent. I always knew that turning 16 would be a major turning point in my life. I just knew it, before that day I felt trapped, not in a bad way, but just trapped in a world where my world had to coinside with everyone else's. I couldn't do something if I couldn't find a ride, I couldn't eat somewhere if I couldn't find a ride or someone who would pay for me.. things like that. But now, I can do what ever I want, to an extent and I just feel free. I've let go of those strings that were attached to me and I've officially become my own person.

     And I'm not going to lie to you... This new found freedom has been AMAZING!! But, lately I've noticed that it's been taking it's toll. I've noticed that the emotional side has been weighing down on me, and the physical/medical side of it all has been making it's self known as well. And well, I've just been coping. I haven't been conquering, or fighting, or even trying, I've just been riding it. Sure I've come to terms with the fact that testing my blood sugar is no option and my boyfriend has been fine with that. It's just he's never seen  a sever moment where I can not physically handle things on my own, and I fear that if that does happen he won't know what to do because he just doesn't know. And I don't want to educate him or even bring it up because well it's still awkward. I don't want to HAVE to talk about it. But I know I HAVE to because my episodes lately are speratic with no pattern, and they've been bad.. like grey blurry vision, no freaking clue where I am, what I'm doing, or where I'm going, and dizziness like you can't imagine. And every time like clock work I test and I'm still hovering in the 120's-130's or every once and a while the 30's and 40's. I just don't understand it!!

It's like that elephant that sits in the middle of the room, except in my case it's that creepy monster.. (I have no pictures of me with elephants. Stick with me..) I feel like I'm slowly loosing hope. That there's nothing left to fight for, except for the fact that I have EVERYTHING left to fight for. So what do I do? To educate or not to educate? Tis is the question. And if I do, what do I say? Uhg... this is soo difficult.

For now I think I'll just keep my happy face on and keep riding it through.

Keep your head up and your happy face on,
Ellie <3

Oh hallelujah!

I was left to walk across a field in Nebraska alone because my brother talked my parents into driving away as a prank. Thank goodness it was only a few hundred feet. :) 

      Where to begin? Should I start with the fact that I successfully made it through my first week of work? Nope, you probably won't care? Should I begin with how awful it is to pack for a two week vacation and not having enough shorts or test strips to cover it all? Nope, that's a whole other story. Should I start with the start of my two week college road trip? Yup, let's start there. 
     I don't know where to begin (did I cover that already?) Well, two Thursdays ago (6/14) I was boarding a plane for Omaha. I know, what could possibly be in Omaha that I would need to visit for two weeks. Well, Omaha was just the start. My family and I were embarking on a two week road trip where we would hit Concordia Seward, Martin Luther College, Concordia St. Paul, Wisconsin Lutheran College, and Concordia Meckwan. All while visiting family, friends, and tourist attractions along the way. There are four people including me who went on this trip. A plane only seats three in a row. So I volunteered to be the odd man out and sit alone a few rows back from the rest of my family. I got comfortable in my seat next to the window and began reading my book waiting for the plane to taxi out of Vegas so I could listen to my Ipod. A few minutes later two older ladies came and sat in the empty seats next to me. I, trying to be polite say hello and held their coats while they buckled in. Why in the world they would need coats in 100 degree Vegas weather beats me, but I held them. About ten minutes later we were prepping for take off, and just to be on the safe side I decided it would be a great time to test. I pulled out my meter and tried to test discreetly, as I have had experiences with testing on a plane before, when randomly the lady sitting in the middle seat leaned over and got a little to close to my ear and whispered "it's okay I do it too." I looked at her awkwardly as she was still in my personal bubble. "I'm sorry?" I answered back. "I test my blood sugar too. Mine isn't anything fancy like yours, but I test myself too!" She sounded excited so I asked the dumbest question I could have possibly came up with "Do you have diabetes?" I should have known that there was a 98% chance she would have said yes, but her answer surprised me. "No." When she said this I was slightly confused why else would she possibly test her blood sugar?? "I have sever hypoglycemia." She said matter-o-factly. Oh hallelujah! We shared stories and I told her about my blog and that was that. I noticed her peaking over at my meter when I tested again about an hour later, and I also noticed the sour look on her face when it flashed back at 52, and then again an hour later with a 60. She knew what it was like. She was on the inside of the same circle I'm stuck in the middle of! We exchanged emails and decided to stay in touch. I told her to have safe travels and that was that. Done.
     This is only day one of traveling. I hope to bring you more enlightenment on what went down soon. :) Hope you all have had a great June!!

Keep your head up and be ready for any conversation,
Ellie <3