Thursday, August 15, 2013

Hurry Up And Wait

     A few days ago I posted briefly that I had been admitted into the hospital. Last Thursday I was at guard camp working on our new routine when I fell to the floor. A few minutes later I began seizing, or what looked like seizing. My head shakes and bobs up and down and my hands twitch. I was unconscious for 45 minutes my father finally made the decision to call the paramedics after the first 30 minutes and I was still unconscious when they arrived around the 35 minute mark. My father made the call to transport me. While we were sitting in the parking lot they were going to release me to my father because they didn't think there was anything wrong with me. I was responsive and I knew where I was and they didn't see the need to make my father waste money on taking me to the hospital if I didn't need to go. A few minutes later I was unconscious again so they reloaded me into the ambulance and off we went. I blacked out for a total of 32 times that day and 15 the day after. When I was admitted the hooked me up to an EEG. It monitors my brainwaves for 24 hours and from that they can determine whether or not this is epilepsy, from what I heard in the hospital it's most likely not.. They released me Saturday afternoon and told me to make an appointment with my neurologist to go over the results. I've now been told I can not participate in guard until I have this under control, I may not be home alone at all, I may not use the restroom or shower with the door locked, it can be closed thankfully just not locked, I've been stripped of my independence completely. I can't do anything fun no Wet 'N Wild, no laser tag, no going to the park, no walking to 7-eleven, nothing until we have this under control and that kinda sucks.
     I finally had my neurologist appointment yesterday. He was supposed to go over the results of the EEG and ultimately tell me if I had epilepsy or not. We arrived at his office and waited in the waiting room for an hour and a half. Then when we finally got to the exam room the nurse told us they didn't even know I was ever in the hospital and they hadn't received the results or even the preliminary reading. My mom was furious. I was pretty much devastated. My health hangs on the results of this test I needed this test to hold some type of information to reassure myself I wasn't just going crazy. I've kept a strong face on through out this whole thing but I'm starting to find myself loosing hope and crying alone at night. I'm not depressed, I'm just lost, frustrated, confused, and tired of fighting. When I have one of these episodes I come out of it exhausted. My body is pushing itself over an edge and there's nothing there to save it. I was really hoping the test results could catch me from falling anymore than I already have. I know it sounds like I'm over exaggerating, I know this all sounds far fetched but I assure you if you were sitting in my position you'd be saying the same thing. I have an appointment with my pediatrician today and hopefully he'll give me something... anything. Because I don't know how much longer I can hurry up and wait. 

Keep your head up and breathe normally,
Ellie <3  

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