72 Hour EEG (Day 3)

The bed head/matted down/sticky mummble of hair picture.
(This pic was taken at 3am soo I have no idea why it's green.)  

     

I know you all were waiting on pins and needles to find out what happened today. Well, it hasn't gone all to fantastic. I reached my breaking point late last night and I'm not guaranteeing all the wires will stay intact tonight... I might be pulling them out soon. It's not that this is painful or anything it's just not fun. It's itchy and

My new cover all the wires so they don't fall off look.

hot and the gauze fell off last night so it's a sticky handkerchief hair mess thing with wires. It's not attractive. I slept with exposed wires last night because the gauze fell off and I slept over at my Grandparent's house and I couldn't find anything to rewrap my head with so I slept without it covered. Terrible idea. They use a special glue to keep all the wires attached to my head and between the head glue and the gauze I've managed to work up the worst bed head/matted down/ sticky mummble of hair you have ever seen and it's not pleasant to have attached to me right now. So that was fun. Because I didn't get much sleep at all last night I've been really tired, cranky, and moppy all day which hasn't been fun for the people around me. My mom and I went and got our nails done which felt really good and they're really sparkly now. And then I just kinda sat around literally doing nothing. And let me be the first to tell you this, but sitting there doing nothing

My sparkly pink nails in honor of Valentines Day...
(it took 7 tries to get this picture.) -____- 

and giving yourself the opportunity to think about how not enjoyable this EEG is, is what pushes you over the ledge. I just broke down in tears. There was now consoling me, or calming me down I just needed to cry so I did. Something very therapeutic for me is cooking/baking so I made food, dinner to be exact. Than I baked 24 cupcakes and 16 chocolate chip cookies. And then I locked myself in my room to stare at the wall again because I obviously didn't learn my lesson the first time. I am so done with this EEG thing I can't even put it into words how annoyed I am. So I'm going to go to sleep now and hope that tomorrow morning takes a while to get here so I can just sleep and not think about nasty hair and the wires lost with in it.

Keep your head up and keep yourself busy,
Ellie <3

And for your enjoyment and to keep you smiling... A CAT PICTURE!! 

Your welcome.

72 Hour EEG (day 2)

My face looks awkward. But this is just after I woke up from my first night with this bad boy on. 

     My first night with the whole EEG thang on went fine I guess. I kept waking up and despite what they tell you this isn't the most comfortable thing to sleep in. I did it though. Like I said yesterday  it's best to plan as many things as you can to keep yourself occupied and keep your mind off of the the wires attached to your brain. So after breakfast we set off to play a few rounds of laser tag which let me be the first to tell you, it's extremely difficult to do so. I still came in first and it was a great distraction. I took about an hour to decompress and relax and then my head started itching so I started some pinterest projects that I had found. My first project was to bleach a quote unto a shirt with a bleach pen. That actually turned out really cute. I'll post a picture of it later. My second project is a candy dish with glitter on the inside. It's still drying and it's not quite turning out like the picture I saw so I might have to do some re-do work on that tomorrow. Now it's dinner time. I'm almost done with my first full day. Honestly, I've made it a lot longer than I though i would. I'm in high spirits still and although my head is hot and itches I'm doing alright. 

Keep your head up and your spirits high,

Ellie <3

72 Hour EEG (Day 1)

     I was opposed to this test from the very beginning. I had a 24 hour EEG done in August, the first time I was admitted to the hospital. An EEG is basically charts your brain waves and anything abnormal is considered "seizure activity". My neurologist said that the 24 hour EEG showed no signs of my episode being a seizure. So I don't understand why we're redoing this test, but for a longer period of time. It's also frustrating that I'm now 5 days episode free, so if I continue on this trend of no episodes this test will show NOTHING because they won't have anything to look at. Any who an EEG isn't painful it's just extremely uncomfortable. My head is now really heavy which is an unusual feeling that I'm not a fan of. Also because my head is wrapped up in so much gauze and glue with tape or something my head over heats really really fast. It's SUPER itchy too and I can't itch it because it's like the Great Wall Of Gauze all up on my head. Now although this thing is super ugly I'm still going out with this bad boy on. I will not let this hold me back. Laser tag?? I'm doing it. Movies?? Done. Hanging out on the Las Vegas Strip?? It's happening. I wear my Despicable Me knit hat over the ugly a$$ gauze and I pretend like it's not there. I highly recommend if you get a 72 hour EEG and it's safe for you to go out plan as much as you possibly can to entertain yourself. It helps take your mind of the wires that are connected to you. I just keep telling myself I can do this... maybe.

Keep your head up, because you can do this,
Ellie <3

Super ugly gauze wrap that makes your head itchy.

All my wires. They're like four feet. *Tip* If you do get an EEG place the whole thing in like a draw string back pack. That way all the wires and the pack that comes with it are contained. Trust me it helps. 

I put my minion beanie over it when I go out of the house. I find more people focus on how awesome my beanie is than the wires sticking out of my brain. 

Just Keep Swimming

   

      I'm having a problem discussing recent issues with my parentals. They don't actually believe there is anything wrong with me. Yes, they've seen it, yes, the paramedics call them at least once a week now, and yes, I tell them every time something has happened, but they don't think it's anything serious. They think it's anxiety or my way of crying out for attention. If that was true I probably wouldn't have gone on a mini rage yesterday to my best friend. Because if it was my cry for attention I would have the control to stop it at any time but... I can't.
       The other day I was going out. But, because of recent black outs and them happening way more frequently in public I decided to write up and print out an Emergency Care Sheet. It has my name, birthday, what I have (or what they think I have), signs I know I have before a black out, what to expect during a black out, how they can help, when and if they need to call 911, and all my emergency contacts. I printed out five and put one in my car, one in my meter case, gave one to my best friend, taped one up where I work, and I kept another to give to my guard instructor next week as well. I thought it was a brilliant idea and when I blacked out on the shore of the wave pool it proved to be fantastic. A lifeguard found me blacked out on the shore of the wave pool so it's not like I drowned or anything, but anyways, when my brother came over he went to get my meter case. When he came back the swarm of EMT's were around me. I was awake, but I wasn't "together" if you will. I don't remember anything until a few minutes later when they said the wheel chair is on it's way and I asked if I could just walk. I mean I couldn't feel my legs, but I hate riding in wheel chairs. The supervisor responded that there was no way they were going to let me walk anywhere and that it's not like anybody knew me there so there was nothing to be embarrassed about... half of my school was there. -_- When we got to the first aid station the supervisor was looking through my meter case trying to pull out the things I needed to test and debating out loud whether or not the should call the paramedics because I hadn't been able to tell them what was wrong. As he was about to hand me my meter he pulled out the sheet. He asked if he could read it, I just nodded still not feeling all to well. He just started smiling. He set it aside and watched me test. When it came back with a 62 he told my brother to go get me a snack and handed me a glucose tab from my bag. He then sat down and raved about how the sheet helped. That he know knew exactly what to do, what was wrong with me, and had all my emergency contacts. About thirty minutes later I had bounced back into range and it was time to call my mom. He told her that the emergency sheet was a huge help and that they didn't call 911 because they knew this was normal. When I got home a few hours later my mom lectured me on having the sheet in my bag. She said it caused unnecessary panic and they would have done just fine with out it. Yet, they almost called the paramedics because I blacked out in a WAVE POOL, and didn't respond for almost three minutes. Yea, the emergency sheet caused the panic... It's frustrating how to be safe I have to do all the work, I'm the one who has to make sure everybody else knows how to help me where ever I go. I understand that this is happening to me, but sometimes it's easier to deal with things when you have the support of the people closest to you. I'm scared to go anywhere now, but I have to because I can't stand sitting in my room all day. It's frustrating that I can't get the 24hr. EEG until October because I'm "not a priority case." It sucks and I don't know how much longer I can hold on and keep a brave face up.

Keep calm and just keep swimming,
Ellie <3

I Got Wet N' A Little Too Wild

This is our new Wet N' Wild!

     My brother and I got Gold passes to the new Wet N' Wild that opened up about ten minutes from our house. This was our first time actually going and spending a good amount of time there. Before we got out of the car I said "you've heard about my episodes that kind of make me go crazy and forget who I am and sometimes pass out right?" He looked at me and said "Duh you get them once a month.. it's called your period." *connect palm to forehead multiple times here* "No, I'm talking about when I forget who I am and sometimes pass out. If this were to ever happen here. There is no need for paramedics, I just need to take my meds and me monitored until I know where I am, and you need to call mom, her phone number is on the back of my bracelet." Soo you mean we can't ride the water slide? *connect palm to forehead again*
    We were standing in line for a ride and I just felt "off" that off you can't quite explain but you know it's something. About ten minutes later we scream our way down the water slide and exit and I could feel my legs. I kid you not I could not feel my legs. I told my brother to go hop in the wave pool that I was going to go buy another water and run to the restroom and meet him back at the waves. Well, some people just don't understand the point of I'm about to pass out you need to get me help because this guy just stared at me blankly. I ordered a THREE DOLLAR water bottle WHO CHARGES THREE DOLLARS FOR WATER IN THE DESERT?!?! Anyway, I finally get it and ask where the first aid is? "Uhhhhhhhh I don't know this is my fist day here." Is the response I get. I walk over to another lady who has a lifeguard uniform on. I asked her... "It's just over there, make a left....... at this point everything is garbled. I asked her to walk with me. "I'm sorry, I'm on break." Was her response. This is ridiculous. When I finally make it there BY MYSELF the receptionist is sitting behind her desk and two metro officers are sitting in the only two chairs in the small room. I'm now holding myself up with the wall let me add. "I'm about to pass out, I don't need 911 I just need help and to sit." Both the metro just start freaking out like calm down sirs I'm sure this is not the worst thing you've seen all day. The receptionist lady takes me back to a different room which is finally the first aid room and they have me sit on the cot. Where they watch me take my meds. They then call the EMT for Wet N' Wild, they apparently have they're own which is good to know. He came in and checked my vitals, made sure I didn't have a brain injury (I didn't), asked me the normal questions who are you, do you know where you are, president's name, who are you with... and that's when I remembered my brother. "Ehh he'll be fine. And if you're really worried about him we can send one of those cops out to go grab him from the pool." He also asked me one last question. "You've told me this is migraines any other medical conditions I should know about.. I answered hypoglycemia." I don't know why I haven't had a major blood sugar problem in a good month just upper 50's low 60's are the worst. "Have you tested recently?" I shook my head. He escorted me back over to my stuff and had me grab my kit and then walked back with me to the first aid room. The all to familiar *beep beep* and then it happened, 37 flashed on the screen. I know the rescue meds I'm taking and the one I took at the park today caused my bg to drop a little but I've never seen it do something like that yet."Do you want me to get you something for that?" he asked hesitantly. "Do I have a choice" I asked more sarcastically than anything. He shook his head and chuckled. His supervisor came in later and told me jokingly I'd have to get my left leg surgically removed.. that kind of lightened the mood. They finally let me leave 20 minutes later with my bg back up at 84 and my migraine gone. I didn't see the EMT again, but I kept running into the supervisor and he kept pretending to be shocked I still had my left leg. -_- There really is no moral to this story. It's more of a wow, that was kinda scary more than anything story. My brother still thinks I was in the bathroom the entire 30 minutes I was gone, but I don't think he realizes it was 30 minutes. Just another day in the life I guess. :)

Keep your head up and just keep swimming,
Ellie <3

Only I Could Master Going Low At a Place Like This

Before I begin this is NOT A POLITICAL POST I PROMISE!!!! It just takes place on Election Day.
      Through my school, I found out that on election day I had an opportunity to work at the polls. And in Nevada we get the day off so I jumped on the opportunity to be apart of the voting process even though I'm not old enough to vote. I was supposed to bring as much food as I was not allowed to leave the polling place during the day. I showed up to our polling which was at the fire station just down the road. We were showed where the kitchen was as that would be where we were taking our breaks and the fire fighters were all really nice. The polls opened and we were off and running. Everything was going smoothly until my five o'clock break. I tested and looked at the 36. No symptoms at all. I took a bag of crackers into the kitchen and began nibbling at them. I was starring at the wall when the firemen came back. One guy looked at me and asked if I was okay, I just kinda looked at him and didn't answer. He snapped his fingers in front of my face and asked me again. All I could really choke out was "I'm just low." And I went quiet again. I was now half way through my second fruit snack and he was still just sitting in the kitchen glancing over his shoulder every once and a while checking on me. Because if there's one great thing about going low on election day, it being in a fire station at the same time. I started shifting back into life and he started asking me questions. "How low were you?" 36. "What is your target range?" At stuff like this between 80-120 but it's more important to keep it above 80. "How many carbs did you have?" A total of 45g. "What are you now?" 46. He didn't say anything when I got up and left a few seconds later. It was a bad night with a very stubborn string of lows. But, you bet I did amazing showing people from a distance how to use the voting machines. So thank you to the fire man who looked an awful lot like this guy:

Keep your head up and your political posts off facebook please,
Ellie <3

P.S~ sorry it took you guys three tries to eat dinner with out having an alarm sounding.

I've Never Seen It Happen To Anyone Else

I live in Nevada so we got Nevada Day off yesterday, and my church decided to take a youth trip to Six Flags in California. Our group took seven kids total and three adults. Our new Pastor came with us and when we were taking the little trolly up to the top of the hill at the park he looked over at my mother and the other chaperon and said just so you know I am Type One Diabetic and we may have to stop and eat more than once. He told them that he carried his meter and his pump, but he didn't want to bring any snacks into the park. He then listed the warning signs and said just get me juice and have me drink it. Now my mom has never really engaged in my hypoglycemia, she's just kinda let me take care of it and we never really spoke of it. That why when she said "oh my daughter has hypoglycemia" it kind of took me by shock. I let him know that I had plenty of juice boxes, granola bars, and fruit snacks to supply the both of us and he just needed to let me know when he needed one. Our groups split up and we went on our ways. It was so much fun, SUPER EXPENSIVE, but so much fun. At the end of the night we met back up at the front of the park so we could head out towards the cars. It was around 6:30 and I hadn't eaten dinner, but I had kept on the snacks. I tested my blood sugar and was surprised when a 36 stared me back. Then it hit me. We got in the car on our way to Taco Bell and I kinda lost it. There was crying, and panic attacks, and fruit snacks flying, and laughter at me from the back seat is was not fun at all. So when we got to Taco Bell my mom ordered my food and I found a table and put my head down. I could feel myself morphing back into a human being as I had already had 2 juice boxes and a fruit snack. And as I was eating our Pastor looked over at me and was like "You seem to be waking back up." And I was kinda like giving him a death stare, I didn't mean to, but it just kinda happened."I was 36, I now have 90 some odd carbs floating around in my body, I better be waking back up." His mouth dropped and he said "That's what it looks like to be low? I've never seen it happen to anybody else. I saw all the warning signs when we were walking back to the car I just didn't really think about it." It just surprised him and caught him off guard that, that's what a low looks like. He's probably been through it a million times we just never really see it happening to other people. I also realized I'm not alone. I wasn't there when it happened, but I guess he dropped at the park too.. There really isn't a moral to this story, it was just one of those day in the life kinda things. :) 

Keep your head up and have a safe Halloween,

Ellie <3 

It's Not Fair

     Do you know what it's like to not breath? What it's like to feel captive inside your own body, to want to move and do things, but being constrained to the spot you're already in. I know what that feels like. I've been in that spot more than plenty times this past week. I knew the signs well in advance, but because there was so much other stuff going on in my life I looked past all of it. I looked past the dizziness, the clouded vision, the dilated eyes, the confusion, the blurry vision, I looked past all of it. Looking back, everybody around me said they knew something was wrong, but because I had been in such a bad mood they didn't want to push the subject. They said I was distant and my face went pale, they said my speech kinda slurred, my thoughts were speratic and and jumbled they just knew that I had been in such a hole this past week that they didn't want to say anything. None of us realized how serious it was until I was sitting in the nurse bawling because they wouldn't let me go to sixth because I was 28. I was 28... Just saying that in my head makes me want to cry. It's a scary THOUGHT to THINK, but you never think that will really happen to you. That is until it does and you want to kill everything in your path because if you have to feel like this they should too, because if  you can't go to one of your favorite classes they shouldn't be able to either. It just isn't fair. None of this is fair. I missed instructions that are really important, I missed notes that are really important, I miss seeing my friends and being there. And now because of that 28 I have to test everyday before guard and I CAN NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES participate if I'm under 80.. It's not fair. Other kids can go to class and learn and whine about it, but I'm sometimes stuck in the office and I mean I love our nurse it's just not where I want to spend my time during the school day. I've gotten used to the fact, I've become okay with it, it's just not fair. I know, I know, life is never fair, but I think once, just once, life could bend the rules. Do you think any of this is fair?

Keep your head up and keep breathing,
Ellie <3

Why Are We Calling Your Mother?

   
      I walked up to the nurse for the first time my feet dragging, hands shaking, head in a cloud. I plop my bag on the chairs and walk over to the counter with my bag in hand. I prick my finger and look over at the Mrs. K the FASA with a dead look on my face. "You're low aren't you?" She asked looking over at me.
"Yup. 44." I answered putting my kit back in my back pack. I sat down on the chair and began slowly munching on my Oreo Thins (Goodness I love those things). 15 minutes later I test again, "54." I reported to Mrs. M. I'm not allowed to leave the office unless I'm 70. I ate a granola bar hoping it would push me back into the safe zone so I could continue on with my crappy day. After 15 minutes I tested again (ode the joys) I looked down at the screen to see a 48. Why it went back down I will never know. Mrs. M looked at the number and said drink this and handed me two kaprisuns. 10 minutes after that I tested again at a 59. "Can I please just go to class? It's math and I'm missing notes and all that jazz." I asked. She let me go as long as she walked me there and I came back during the next passing period. So I did, I came back and I tested just like always. "68." I reported zipping up the case.
"Why isn't it going up? Am I gonna have to call your mother?" Mrs. M fake threatened handing me another juice box.
"Why are we calling your mother?" A school police asked as I sat down in my chair. He was serious too. If Mrs. M hadn't of explained to him the situation and why I looked drunk and high and all out of sorts he probably would have. "Oh so that's why you look so drunk and stoned." He said after the shpeel. I then told him the story of me walking home from the bus stop and being pulled over by our neighborhood cop because I was stumbling and acting funny. He just sat there and looked at me. Now I'm sure he'll be asking more questions every time I pass him in the hallway too, but then again I guess I'm used to that.

Keep your head up and you blood sugar higher,
Ellie <3

The Art Of Going To The Store For One Thing And Coming Back With Four Other Things

"Moooooom I don't feel good." I said as I laid down with my cheek against the kitchen tile.
"What's your sugar?" She asked only half paying attention.
"Do I look like I care what my number is right now? I told you I don't feel good." I huffed laying my head back down.
"Go check, I think it might be useful." *unzip the ugly a$$ black pouch, slip strip into slot, poke finger, flinch because you hit a weird spot on your finger, wait for the five seconds to be up.* 66.

See that grey dot? Yes, that would be where I pricked today.. -_- 

"Mom I'm almost out of strips and I've got a lot going on this week." I huff again except this time while drinking juice.
"Maybe after you eat your dinner you can go get yourself some." She said half sarcastically. So after dinner I got my butt up to go get more strips from Target. I walk straight over to the pharmacy... I mean of course they were closed it's labor day, I really should have thought that one through. But, then I thought crossed my mind. I'll get some ice cream. So I walked to the back of the store and grabbed some ice cream, and then as I was walking back up to the front I remember "oh silly me I need a toothbrush because I acentically threw mine away this morning." So now I have ice cream and a tooth brush then just as I was about to check out I decided I needed an Itunes card because Fun. had a new song out that I NEEDED to get. So now I have ice cream, a tooth brush, an Itunes card, a pack of gum, and NO STRIPS!! Hmm I suck at being a one track minded person. This is why I don't go to Target with money.

Keep your head up and your tooth brushes OUT OF THE TRASHCAN,
Ellie <3

P.S I found this on Facebook today because Lord knows I'm not addicted to that.. I though I would share it with y'all because really it's quite funny.

Yup, you know you wanna smile now. :) Have a good short week everyone!!

I Need To Get Over This

Let's just use this cat as a visual reference to how I am when a day like this happens.
Now that you can see it, please feel free to continue reading today's post.  

   
      Today at like nine I felt the usual: shakes, dizziness, no concept of time, space, anything for that matter. I test like normal and I freak out when at 30 something flashes on the screen. I mean of course it would, it's only the fifth day of school. By default I drink a juice, down a fruit snack packet, and eat a smarties. I guess now I'm looking pale, and higher than... *enter a metaphor or simile for high here* When the end of my next class came I did the annoying part of being low, I tested again. I had shot up to a whopping 58. *enter exasperated sigh here*. A 58 wasn't low enough that I wasn't concerned and it wasn't high enough to be happy with so I sulked on with my day. Lunch came and I wasn't hungry, I had a headache, was tired, and just ready to be done with the week. So I bought some water, took Tylenol, and tried not to snap at anybody doing anything stupid while I was in this state. A few people bugged me about eating because they knew I was low earlier, but I just wasn't in the mood. I could have cared less about the consequences of not eating at that time. After lunch I go to tech theater, I mean of course today would be the day we go up to the sound booth and onto the catwalks.*Enter yet another exasperated sigh here,* so I drug my dizzy and out-of-sorts butt up the stairs to learn about technical things. When the final bell rang I felt beat like, I literally felt that I couldn't physically hold myself up anymore. I walked into the band room and sat down on the floor. I tested to see if I was decent enough to drive home, oh no... It had to be a flat out 50. So I trudged around school with another fellow guardie and waited for the smarties to kick in before I drove home.
     So now that you've heard the story let me explain the lessons that I learned from this:
1. If you're 30 something you need to go visit the nurse, no matter how much you hate missing class a 30 something is NOT OKAY to be walking around with.
2. If you're still low after the first time you treat it's probably a good time to get more carbs in you.
3. I don't eat lunch at school... ever... unless I'm really really hungry or low. I NEED to start eating lunch and or eating more of a snack because a water and Tylenol is not going to cut it.
4. I need to stop being stubborn. There were like two people who kept trying to get me to eat, but I wouldn't swallow my stupid pride and start eating. Because I'm an independent person and I don't like to be told what to do. So if you were one of those people today... Sorry I was such a jerk.
5. I need to get over this, this not caring about the consequences of not eating, or treating, or caring. Because this is my life, my health on the line and there's not a lot of margin to screw around with. I need to start paying attention and being smarter about my choices.
If there's one thing I learned today it's to:
Keep your head up and press on,
Ellie <3

We Have Orders!!

   
      We only have three more days left in school. For some reason our sucky school system decided to keep us in school for an extra two weeks compared to every other school system in the United States of America, and maybe even including Canada. All I know is we're so close to the end. What also sucks though, is that I was just starting to get a routine down. The doctor ordered I start testing my blood sugar around six times a day, just to see if we can find a pattern, we can't, but still we have orders, which means Mrs. M the school nurse can officially put me into the system! Which is both good and bad. The good thing is this piece of information is aromatically sent straight to my teachers. They can no longer say I'm 'abusing' the health office. Cons to this, is that I have to do all my tests in the health office. Once at 8:00am, 12:00pm, and if I decided it's needed once at 1:00pm before I get on the bus. Before when I was only going up to make sure I was treating a low with enough carbs I would come get a snack and go. Now, even if I'm the slightest bit low I have to stay and wait, so I'm missing more class time. And if I forget to go up, they hunt me down and I have to go up and test. But, we've been catching waay more lows this way. Now we're catching them in the 60's and high 50's instead of 40's and 30's. That's a trade off I'm willing to make. But, this all started a week ago, and now it's the end of the year. Next year I'm just going to have to start from the ground up again which isn't exactly my favorite thing ever. Either way, I have three more half days left until Summer and I. Am. Ready.

Keep your head up and your sunscreen close,
Ellie <3

Keep Digging

Sometimes I have those days where waking up starts the morning off on a bad foot and the ball just keeps rolling from there.
Yesterday, was one of those days. One of those days where a Luna Bar on the bus is my only breakfast and people are just 20x more annoying than they usually are. Where you're still half asleep and the bus driver thinks you're half dead. Those days where you really don't want to try to balance out meals with blood sugars and activities and days where you really don't give a flying rats patooty. Where cookies is your life line to keep you awake, but ends up almost killing you with a blood sugar of 32 an hour later. -_-. Where the person who usually keeps you smiling doesn't show up to school. And a couple of the people who know you're low and annoying to no end asking you if you're still alive. Obviously I'm still breathing. Let's talk again if for some awful reason I'm not. When you want to throw a shoe at your wall just cuz it seemed like a great idea. When you're a little scared to walk home because you're not as alert as you normally are and then you realize this and switch into hyper vigilance mode. When after you pick up your brother from the bus stop you fall asleep for three hours and when people won't leave you alone so you can fall asleep again you go over to grandma's and fall asleep there. Sometimes, I have those kinds of days.
And then there are days like today, where everything is great you're happy it's all drizzly outside and the weather is beautiful, but your blood sugar doesn't want to cooperate. This has been my week. My numbers have been completely erratic, and very rarely ever over 60 and I can feel it taking its toll on my body. And I don't like that feeling. I'm in a ditch this week and it sucks. I'm not to excited it's only Wednesday. Just wanted to be real with every one.

Keep  your head up and keep digging,
Ellie <3

These Questions

Do they know?
Is the orange dust all over me?
Do they think I'm doing drugs?
Do they think I'm a fat a$$?
Do they know this is all to keep me safe?
Do they know I have no intentions of bombing this or any other airport?
Do they know?

Do they know? That's a question I don't think I'll be able to ever answer 100%. At the beginning of ninth grade when this was all starting I was eating so much more, and I thought I only needed sugar, so I would always carry extra brownies. I wasn't educated enough to know what was going on in my body or how to educate people. And now with all my tests coming back negative, I still don't. But, at the beginning of all this I was always called fat because I was constantly eating, and I was called lazy because I would never want to move (turns out my brain wasn't getting enough energy I guess??) I was always having to listen in on people's conversations because half the time they were about me. It hurt, one of the campus security at my school kinda helped me through a lot of the bullying and always checked up on me. If he saw me crying he would tell me to go wash my face off and then let me sit and recompose myself and then would walk me to class to make sure I wasn't marked late. Now as I've grown into what ever this is I've been able to educate more people and show them I'm only doing it for my health and that it's way better to be fat and safe then skinny and always on the ground. I've grown into being able to take the stares and the uncomfortable silence in those five seconds as people look over my shoulder to watch the number pop onto my screen. I still ask myself the questions of do the think my glucose tabs are drugs? And I've also learned that when you can't beat 'em join 'em. Someone asked me if I was doing drugs while I was chomping down some glucose tabs and I answered simply, yup I'm a druggie. They didn't believe me so I told them what they were and no we both refference to them as drugs.
   My friends have also learned a few things too. They don't ask as many questions either. They've also realized that part of what ever this is, is my "quiet days", the days where I just don't feel like talking or being awake or comprehending anything. They've learned that it really helps on these days if they fill me in on the notes that I zoned out for accidentally. Or just letting me be. This thing doesn't just live in my life, it's snaked its way into my friends, family and teacher's lives too. I guess for now I'll keep asking myself these questions, learning, educating, and growing. And maybe one day there won't be a need for anymore questions.

Keep your head up and keep growing,
Ellie <3

Unicorns, Shady People In Wyoming, and Who Knows What Else

I have made yet another vlog, and before you watch it I feel you should know/ be aware of a few things.

• I had absolutely NO voice 3 hours prior to recording this, thus the sicky sound.
• I have so much hairspray in my hair I could keep a grandma's dentures in her mouth and there are still a bunch of ugly fly aways.
• I am very awkward on camera and I swear I'm not that awkward in real person so no need to fret. 
• Is fret a word?
• And from watching this video you would think I have ADHD or something, I swear to you I don't. I'm just a quick topic jumper so sorry if it's hard to keep up.
• Lastly, I'm sorry if I offend you with my old person line. It's totally true though. 
• With all that said, here you go!

Keep your head up and your unicorns close,
Ellie <3

Welcome To The Team

This is Herman. Well... that is not Herman, my Herman looks exactly like this, but he's tucked away nicely in my unicorn skull bag and will be resting there until midnight tonight when I pull him out to test again. I got him about a week ago from a fancy place called Walmart and got him all gussied up and had him meet the nurse and the doctor and all those fun people and then today got to test with him for the first time!! It was a beautiful 107. I LOOVE Hermin. He's skinny and one of my favorite colors, and he's everything a person who has to check their blood sugar would want. The only thing I don't like is the lancet he comes with, but there's an easy fix to that. I use my old lancet the Multiclix lancing device. I love that it has 6 needles in one drum and I never have to see the needles! I also don't like the case, but really who does? So that's it. I will be posting a vlog sometime soon to properly introduce my Herman. But until then I guess you'll just have to wait. :)

Keep your head up and your blood sugar in check,
Ellie <3