Medical Alert Bracelet

*Before I begin this post I must say that these opinions are solely my own. I am not being paid to say anything in this post, I am just extremely happy with this product and I want everyone to feel just as comfortable as I am with wearing a medical bracelet.*

     I have been wearing a medical bracelet since the Summer of last year. I was starting to pass out a lot and a common problem I was seeing was the fact that it was hard to ID me and get a parent's phone number from me when I was just coming out of an episode. Some one had suggested wearing a bracelet before, but I thought they were all clunky and not practical and I didn't think anybody would look at it if I passed out. But I looked around for something I liked. I came across just a silicon band that I could put my name and my mom's number on and I ordered that. I figured I would only wear it while working out or when I wasn't with my parents. But it was ugly and I'm not a big fan of ugly so I stopped wearing it all together. Then one day while reading blogs from other people I stumbled upon a post about medical alert bracelets and how they were having the same problem as I. I kept reading to find out about Lauren's Hope. It's a company that combines safety with style. I glanced around their website and started finding bracelets that I fell in love with. And I loved that I could make them my own by mixing bands with my alert plate. I ordered my first bracelet in July. I wore it all day everyday, and two days after I got it in the mail, an EMT used it to locate my mother while I was unconscious. I like change. I'm always changing my ear rings, my style and now I'm constantly changing my bracelet. I've grown to a collection of six bands and I change them as often as I feel. I just received my newest one in the mail (it's glow in the dark!!) And I love it. So if you're in the market for a new medical alert bracelet/necklace or maybe you don't have one and you think you should try Lauren's Hope. I've been wearing a medical alert bracelet every day since I ordered my second one and trust me it's come in really really handy a few times already. And like they always say it's better to be safe than sorry. So what does your medical alert look like?

Keep your head up and stay safe,
Ellie <3

4 out of 6 of my bracelets 

The one I'm currently wearing is glow in the dark with a purple plate. 

Most of my bracelets live on my dinosaur by my bed until I decide to wear a new one. 

One Foggy Step At A Time

     You can't plan for everything. I can't tell you how much I wish that I could plan for everything because I would have made a few different desicissions yesterday. Like a different sweatshirt for example. If I would have known that my sweatshirt was going to be torn into two pieces I probably wouldn't have worn my work sweatshirt. To be quite honest I probably would have just called in.
     It started yesterday. I didn't have a ride to work so I walked. It's like a mile maybe a mile and a half walk. That's nothing, I can walk that in my sleep. I was walking fine I could see my work just across the street and then everything went black. Apparently while I was walking I collapsed and began convulsing. Two men happened to be driving down the street and watched it happen so they ran across the street and got the fire department. Because I was wearing the darn sweatshirt and unresponsive they cut the sleeves of my sweatshirt to start a line and get a set of vitals. I honestly don't remember any of this. I remember waking up and one of the firefighters started asking me the usual string of questions as well as where I worked. When I told him I didn't know where I was he said I was across the street from work. I asked him if I was going to be able to make it... he said I should probably just call in. That's the last thing I remember. But the day goes on. I was transported to the hospital because the seizures were still happening. While in the ambulance they gave me an aceditive to relax my muscles hoping to stop the seizures so now I'm just flat out loopy and seizy. It's not the most glamourus of combinations. The next thing I remember is being in the hospital and feeling like little ants were crawling all up my back and then when they made it to my neck they started to crawl down my legs. At first my mom thought I was just over reacting over a little itch. But then I started bawling and gasping for air. I was having an allergic reaction to some of the medication they gave me to help stop the seizures. They gave me more meds to counteract the reaction and help me breath. Next thing I knew it was four hours later and I was in a new hospital. The ER doctor came in and told me that I'm not having seizures. That none of the tests prove that its seizures and that it's all psychological. Now I understand that that's possible. But I've seen a psychiatrist and they've cleared me of conversion disorder. He kept saying that they could have killed me by giving me that medication that I didn't need and that it was my fault for not telling them they weren't actual seizures. I was told by my neurologist that they were atonic seizures which is indeed a form of seizures. So they're telling me that my neurologist was lying.. it was really really complicated and there was a lot of tears and doctors yelling at me and my mom and my mom fighting back. I really didn't have that kind of energy that late in the day and with so much stuff running through my veins. It was really quite an ordeal. The next thing I remember is getting admitted to my room really late at night and falling asleep soon after that. The next morning wasn't nearly as exciting. There was more confrontation with doctors and more medication but I was released by the end of the day. There are still so many holes in the story that I don't think I'll ever figure out.
     But I've come to the conclusion that you can't plan for everything. My mom couldn't have planned that she would have to get into a debate with an ER Dr.,  I never planned that I would get picked up off of a sidewalk and get drugged up to no end. You can't plan for everything. All you can do is learn from it and use that information to help you plan for other things. I never planned to be allergic to an anti-seizure medication and yet I learned that and now I'm planning ways to prevent me from ever coming in contact with it again. What are some of things you didn't plan for, but ended up learning something from?

More bracelets to add to the collection. I actually do remember taking this picture. Most of the drugs had worn off by this point. 

Keep your head up and take it one step at a time,
Ellie <3

They Could Have Found It Sooner

      I turned in my Halter Monitor yesterday and they called us with the preliminary findings today. The Halter Monitor charted the electrical pulses in my heart for 48 hours. I think that's what it did, either way it watched my heart. Well apparently it shut off with-in the first 14 hours which sucks, but they still saw

something. I don't know how to explain it but my heart triple beats and normally that wouldn't be a problem, but mine did something else when it beated the extra time that raises some eyebrows, a lot. I'm nine days away from being able to do guard because the Keppra is working! But, this heart thing if the treadmill test they want me to do shows what they think it will show... it will be no guard for Elizabeth. And that would SUCK!! UUUUUGH! This is freaking me out more than it should. I can handle medication, but I can't handle much past that. They haven't told me anything further I have to go in for another appointment, but what if they have to do some sort of surgery! I'm flippin out man! It's driving me batty and my brain is going a thousand miles an hour but I can't do anything. Like I just keep thinking of the possibilities and what they're going to tell me and I can't seem to call myself down. Why is this freaking me out so much?! Shouldn't I be used to this bad new by now? But the Keppra is working which I guess is a plus. I guess I'll just have to wait until the next appointment.

Keep your head up and just keep calm,
Ellie <3

Heck Yeah I did!

     I've had a few good days lately. Sure, I'm still blacking out, sure I'm still frustrated, but by golly I've had a couple "heck yeah!" moments this week. Starting with Thursday.
~Wednesday I had my first seizure free day in one whole month! "Heck yeah I was!"
~Thursday I had my first few blackouts at school, but my teachers and I handled it quite beautifully and none of us freaked out. "Heck yeah we did!"

     On Thursday afternoon my mom and I left for Wyoming to go visit some family members of ours. She does cranial therapy which quite honestly I still don't understand, but it was supposed to help and I'm kinda grasping at straws here so I went. He is a highway patrol officer who was a paramedic before. It was an interesting weekend.

Race Day 

~Well I made it the eight hour trip. "Heck yeah I did!"
~I ran a 5k with out blacking out in the middle of the road. "Double heck yeah I did!
~Woke up at 4:30 am with a blood sugar of 45 and got it back in range with in 30 mins. and woke up with a 95 the next morning. "Heck yeah I did!"
 I also thought I would share some other interesting findings with you.. So this weekend I was just kinda chilling and I blacked out. Well after they found me 15-20 minutes later I went and sat down and I was just like super dizzy. So he decided to check my vitals just to see if we could find anything. So he checked my pupils they responded fine I guess (I don't really know what that necessarily means but I guess it's a good thing.) Anyways, and then he checked my blood pressure, I don't remember what it was, but I don't think it was anywhere out of the ordinary. And then he was just kinda checking my pulse and I blacked out. When I woke up he said that he could feel it happening because my pulse just kinda disappeared. He said it was fine it was staying normal and then all of a sudden it was gone. Just like that, gone. Just for a few seconds and then when I started convulsing like I normally do it came back. The frustrating part is my EKG and echos come back normal every time. Wouldn't they show that? So after this whole glucose this we are for sure going back to the cardiologist and getting me on a Holter Monitor or what ever that's called because by golly that's just weird... and not normal. So yeah that happened.

     Today I also had a endocrinologist appointment with a different endo than the one I went to a few years back.
~Got a CGM put on for three days and have actually kept the food log up to date for more than three hours. "Heck yeah I did!"
    ~Trying to upload the picture of the CGM is gonna be a "heck no I can't", but if you follow me on instagram or twitter I posted it.

    Lately I've discovered that it's good to let yourself celebrate the positives. Because it's not the negatives or the positives that define you. It's how you handle what it thrown your way. What were your wins this week?

Keep your head up and celebrate the positives,
Ellie <3

Another Story For The Books

     This school year I decided to do online schooling as it just was more flexible with all my episodes, doctors appointments, and other stuff. But I also go for one hour a day to my old school to participate in color guard. Today was my third day doing this and because of today's events... probably my last for a while. I got there a few minutes early so I used this free time to use the restroom when I was finished I set my backpack down so I could get out my phone. That was the last thing I remember. I woke up to the school nurse, two campus monitors, the school police, the dean, and a math teacher surrounding me yelling things into radios, shaking me trying to get me to answer questions I'm 100% sure a few seconds after that I went back into another tweaking sesh because the next time I woke up the fire department was prepping me for an IV and setting me up on oxygen. Then for a third time I fell back into the darkness of a seizure. From what people told me they started me on the anti-seizure stuff in my IV and finger popped me out of it (there's a pressure point that causes pain which I respond to and wake up). I remember waking up and ripping the oxygen tube thing out of my nose and they also said I wasn't cooperating, well I had good reason it kind of scares a person to wake up with a needle in their arm, tubes in their nose, and people yelling at them to "stay with me, keep your eyes open, talk to me sweetie...". I finally calmed down and let them do their thing. I don't know what stuff they put in my IV because I was soo loopy it wasn't even funny. Unfortunately I had to go to ER because well, I'm not really sure why but they told my mom we had no choice. So they lifted me up on the gurney and wheeled me out... in the middle of first lunch... with over 200 kids staring at me... and I probably looking stoned as heck because like I said the drugs made me so loopy. They took me to the ER and discharged me with in two hours with no new news. But that's not even the fun part. My best friend texted me asking how I was feeling. I asked her how she knew her response: "I heard you O.D in the girls bathroom." Yes folks there is now a rumor going around that school that a girl O.D in the girls bathroom and had to be taken to the hospital. The fun part is the girl they're talking about is me. She had heard about it and asked her sister who has first lunch what happened and her sister told her that "Elizabeth must of had an episode in the bathroom and was taken to the hospital" So yea... I can now check over dosing in the girls bathroom off my list and I didn't even actually do it. As to how I feel about the rumors I'm not really sure. I find it funny right now because I know what happened and it's funny that kids can take a seizure and turn it into overdose in a matter of 30 minutes and I'm sure it will get annoying soon if my parents let me go back to guard because I'll have to answer questions and be pegged as a druggie and I don't even go to that school anymore. I guess this is just another bump in the road. :)

Keep your head up and DO NOT overdose in the girls bathroom,
Ellie <3

Hurry Up And Wait

   

     A few days ago I posted briefly that I had been admitted into the hospital. Last Thursday I was at guard camp working on our new routine when I fell to the floor. A few minutes later I began seizing, or what looked like seizing. My head shakes and bobs up and down and my hands twitch. I was unconscious for 45 minutes my father finally made the decision to call the paramedics after the first 30 minutes and I was still unconscious when they arrived around the 35 minute mark. My father made the call to transport me. While we were sitting in the parking lot they were going to release me to my father because they didn't think there was anything wrong with me. I was responsive and I knew where I was and they didn't see the need to make my father waste money on taking me to the hospital if I didn't need to go. A few minutes later I was unconscious again so they reloaded me into the ambulance and off we went. I blacked out for a total of 32 times that day and 15 the day after. When I was admitted the hooked me up to an EEG. It monitors my brainwaves for 24 hours and from that they can determine whether or not this is epilepsy, from what I heard in the hospital it's most likely not.. They released me Saturday afternoon and told me to make an appointment with my neurologist to go over the results. I've now been told I can not participate in guard until I have this under control, I may not be home alone at all, I may not use the restroom or shower with the door locked, it can be closed thankfully just not locked, I've been stripped of my independence completely. I can't do anything fun no Wet 'N Wild, no laser tag, no going to the park, no walking to 7-eleven, nothing until we have this under control and that kinda sucks.

     I finally had my neurologist appointment yesterday. He was supposed to go over the results of the EEG and ultimately tell me if I had epilepsy or not. We arrived at his office and waited in the waiting room for an hour and a half. Then when we finally got to the exam room the nurse told us they didn't even know I was ever in the hospital and they hadn't received the results or even the preliminary reading. My mom was furious. I was pretty much devastated. My health hangs on the results of this test I needed this test to hold some type of information to reassure myself I wasn't just going crazy. I've kept a strong face on through out this whole thing but I'm starting to find myself loosing hope and crying alone at night. I'm not depressed, I'm just lost, frustrated, confused, and tired of fighting. When I have one of these episodes I come out of it exhausted. My body is pushing itself over an edge and there's nothing there to save it. I was really hoping the test results could catch me from falling anymore than I already have. I know it sounds like I'm over exaggerating, I know this all sounds far fetched but I assure you if you were sitting in my position you'd be saying the same thing. I have an appointment with my pediatrician today and hopefully he'll give me something... anything. Because I don't know how much longer I can hurry up and wait. 

Keep your head up and breathe normally,

Ellie <3  

This Is Becoming The Norm.

 

     I got the paramedics called again. This is starting to become the norm. Apparently I blacked out on the floor at Khols and a lovely patron found me while looking for her daughter. I was unresponsive, breathing, and lying face first on the ground. They called 911. I was indeed at Khols alone and my mom wasn't answering any of the calls. When the paramedics arrived I was almost out of the woods, I was still kind of reoreintating myself, but I could respond and answer questions and move my legs. It makes it a lot easier to go through stuff like this when the people who are taking care of you are in a good mood. The paramedics that responded were awesome. They took my vitals and asked me the normal questions, I've become an old pro at explaining what normally happens and handing over the emergency sheet, which once again they we're really excited to see. They said most adults aren't even this prepared so I feel special. My parents still weren't answering so he was like, we'll just wait here til they decide to get off the couch and come pick you up. Like I said the paramedics were awesome this time. This is starting to become the norm. I black out, the paramedics are called, and then we sit and wait... and wait... and wait for my parents to actually respond to any of the messages. I'm becoming a pro at pretending at keeping it all together when I wake up and reorientate instead of mentally breaking down because I'm embarrassed like I used to. I told my mom I want to go back to square one and start from the beginning. I've been noticing that this is affecting my blood sugar as well. I spike to almost 200 about a half hour before it happens and then drop into mid 50's low 60's when I wake up. I want to talk to my doctor. I don't want my mom to talk to them anymore because I don't think she's getting the job done. I'm taking over this rodeo and I don't plan on stopping until I get an answer, because as much as I'm becoming a pro, I don't want this to become the norm.

Keep your head up and keep it together,
Ellie <3

Just Keep Swimming

   

      I'm having a problem discussing recent issues with my parentals. They don't actually believe there is anything wrong with me. Yes, they've seen it, yes, the paramedics call them at least once a week now, and yes, I tell them every time something has happened, but they don't think it's anything serious. They think it's anxiety or my way of crying out for attention. If that was true I probably wouldn't have gone on a mini rage yesterday to my best friend. Because if it was my cry for attention I would have the control to stop it at any time but... I can't.
       The other day I was going out. But, because of recent black outs and them happening way more frequently in public I decided to write up and print out an Emergency Care Sheet. It has my name, birthday, what I have (or what they think I have), signs I know I have before a black out, what to expect during a black out, how they can help, when and if they need to call 911, and all my emergency contacts. I printed out five and put one in my car, one in my meter case, gave one to my best friend, taped one up where I work, and I kept another to give to my guard instructor next week as well. I thought it was a brilliant idea and when I blacked out on the shore of the wave pool it proved to be fantastic. A lifeguard found me blacked out on the shore of the wave pool so it's not like I drowned or anything, but anyways, when my brother came over he went to get my meter case. When he came back the swarm of EMT's were around me. I was awake, but I wasn't "together" if you will. I don't remember anything until a few minutes later when they said the wheel chair is on it's way and I asked if I could just walk. I mean I couldn't feel my legs, but I hate riding in wheel chairs. The supervisor responded that there was no way they were going to let me walk anywhere and that it's not like anybody knew me there so there was nothing to be embarrassed about... half of my school was there. -_- When we got to the first aid station the supervisor was looking through my meter case trying to pull out the things I needed to test and debating out loud whether or not the should call the paramedics because I hadn't been able to tell them what was wrong. As he was about to hand me my meter he pulled out the sheet. He asked if he could read it, I just nodded still not feeling all to well. He just started smiling. He set it aside and watched me test. When it came back with a 62 he told my brother to go get me a snack and handed me a glucose tab from my bag. He then sat down and raved about how the sheet helped. That he know knew exactly what to do, what was wrong with me, and had all my emergency contacts. About thirty minutes later I had bounced back into range and it was time to call my mom. He told her that the emergency sheet was a huge help and that they didn't call 911 because they knew this was normal. When I got home a few hours later my mom lectured me on having the sheet in my bag. She said it caused unnecessary panic and they would have done just fine with out it. Yet, they almost called the paramedics because I blacked out in a WAVE POOL, and didn't respond for almost three minutes. Yea, the emergency sheet caused the panic... It's frustrating how to be safe I have to do all the work, I'm the one who has to make sure everybody else knows how to help me where ever I go. I understand that this is happening to me, but sometimes it's easier to deal with things when you have the support of the people closest to you. I'm scared to go anywhere now, but I have to because I can't stand sitting in my room all day. It's frustrating that I can't get the 24hr. EEG until October because I'm "not a priority case." It sucks and I don't know how much longer I can hold on and keep a brave face up.

Keep calm and just keep swimming,
Ellie <3

Part 2 Of My Mystery Medical Condition

  I'm trying not to let the constant black outs slow me down, but it is. They're impossible to ignore, they're starting to get in my way. Twice just this week I've either almost been kicked out or was kicked out of some type of fun activity. Which sucks by the way, especially for the people I go with. My brother loves sky zone. And so do I. It's like this warehouse just full of wall to wall trampolines, and foam pits, and dodge ball, it's pretty much one giant trigger for me I've discovered. Any ways, I noticed the symptoms of a black out coming on. I got myself off of the trampolines and sat down on the ground, now that's the last thing I remember, but apparently the story gets better. From what I was told when I woke up is that I sat down on the ground where I wasn't supposed to and the manager asked me to move down to the benches. Apparently I began arguing with her and didn't move. I guess while she was checking on the game of dodge ball I blacked out on the ground. They left me there.. which is exactly what you're not supposed to do by the way. But, they did get my brother who surprisingly knew what to do. I guess I came back about two minutes later. None of them were phased and they gave me a free water (which my brother drank -_-) and they said if this happens again I would have to leave. Which sucks because that means my brother would have to leave too, and he love Sky Zone. Well that was the last of that day's black outs. Then my best friend and I went to Wet 'N Wild for a day in the sun. All was going surprisingly really well. I hadn't gotten dizzy, I was able to keep up with her we were having an awesome time, and then everything went to poop. And I mean that in the worst possible way. We were standing in a line waiting for a tube when I turned to her and said flat out "I'm about to black out." She's seen in happen before, she's used to it, but since it's been happening so frequently we decided to go to first aid. We made it, I kid you not, just. in. time. They sat me down on the cot and called for an EMT, no one was able to respond as they thought I was a minor case and they had a guy who had just had a low blood sugar that caused him to pass out. What they didn't realize was the same thing was about to happen to me. There was an EMT there who had just gotten off and he started freaking out. This is where I lost it. He had me on the finger pulse reader thing, and started asking me questions that I just couldn't answer. My friend was trying to explain what was happening and what was about to happen, and what I needed. I don't remember anything after this, but this is what my friend told me: the EMT then started assessing the situation and taking my vitals. They took my blood sugar which was 108 I think. I took me a while to respond to simple directions. They put me on O2 when I started to take a turn for the worst. They ripped off my bracelet to call my mom, I'm so thankful I had it on. But she didn't answer. Apparently at this point they were just trying to keep me awake and then I fell forward. I will forever thank them for this because that would have resulted in a concussion, but they caught me before I fell over and onto my face. Apparently I was out for about 15 seconds and I had a record come back time. They took my blood sugar again and apparently it raised concern. Apparently I had all the signs of seizing soon, so they called it. They were going to have me transported. A few seconds after this decision I came back completely. But it was to late they had called 911. Which was fine by me, my parents weren't going to be to happy about it, but in a way I was happy they did. Maybe now, my parents will believe me. Any ways, they started to look for a new contact number. My friend still not freaking out, gotta love her, started calling my father, who said he was on his way. When the fire department arrived I was fully aware and had been getting caught up on what had happened. The main captain was awesome while they were putting me on a full heart monitor and taking my BP and blood sugar he said maybe a water park wasn't the best idea until I was fully diagnosed and had it under control because what if I blacked out under water? I giggled. He rolled his eyes knowing full well that it has happened before. They weren't able to do an EEG on site but they did get a mini EKG in. And I guess my heart would triple beat, he used a more scientific word, but that too raised concerns so it's back to the cardiologist I go. But, they were able to tell my father the glorious words, "she really did have what looks to be a seizure, we recommend we transport her for further observation as this raises a lot of concern." My father said no, but he heard it from a real live fire man that it actually happened. They still had me on O2 when he arrived which also made him believe just a little bit more. They did indeed make me go home because apparently I was a liability to keep on property which I understand completely. So we headed home. My friend drove and I road shut gun. I feel really bad that because of me she had to leave early. But she was awesome the entire time telling them my medical history, all my medications I'm taking (which was cool to know she knows that) and trying to calm the EMT's down, because I guess they weren't expecting to have to call 911 for me. I enjoy scaring the living daylights out of Wet 'N Wild staff, because this is the second time this has happened there. I sent them a thank you card for dealing with me and for their quick response. The lesson I learned from this experience is to ask for help they're there to do just that. I'm glad my friend was there to relay information and I'm glad they didn't hesitate to call 911 it just sucks I had to leave.

Keep your head up and just keep swimming,
Ellie <3

The Joys Of Flying...

I had my headphones in so I couldn't tell you why we were still sitting at the gate, but we were. There was a lady sitting next to me with a pilots uniform on and she looked friendly, but she was on the phone so I was going to ask her why we were still sitting here. I just ducked my head back down and listened to my music. The funny thing was. It felt like we were moving. I looked up and everything was spinning in my right eye and everything was blurry in my left. The buckled sign was still lit so maybe we were in the air.. I don't know my window shade was down. I panicked. TSA made me chuck my emergency water at security because of it's suspicious seal (they also had to pat down my butt and swab my hands so I'm a little confused about them). I didn't know what to do. I just figured I'd roll through the motions. I figured I'd let myself pass out and then be fine. I was so dizzy, the entire right side of my body was numb and at this point I couldn't tell you which way was up and which way was down. I flipped down my tray and laid my head down on my arms like maybe sleeping would help. I could feel my heart ripping out of my chest at a million miles a minute and my breathing intensified. I felt someone place their hand on my back and I looked up in tears at this point. The pilot sitting next to me asked if I had a headache. She saw me crying and I said yes and that I needed water so I could take my meds. Just then we were told we were about to taxi back from the gate. She still got up and got me water as I prepped my meds. She said as soon as we take off she would poor it as we were just about to start our accent. She talked so calmly, she kept checking on me, asked me what else she needed to do or if it was just a headache. I handed her my emergency sheet with what's going on because at this point I couldn't form words. She was awesome at making sure I got the water and kept checking on me to make sure I was a) still breathing and b) still knew my name and where I was. Thankfully I got my medication in my system in time and nothing more serious happened because at 13,000 feet or however high we are that can be bad. But I am so thankful Southwest hires such amazing people to work for them, who will go above and beyond what they're only paid today and help others who are in need. She didn't even think twice about helping me. And I'm so thankful she was there. That's just one of the many reasons I try to always fly Southwest. I did email them to compliment them and to pass the message along to this pilot, and I know she probably won't get my email thank you and I did thank her on the plane. But I truly am SO thankful she stepped up to the plate because who knows what would have happened.

Keep your head up and travel safe this summer,
Ellie <3

I Got Wet N' A Little Too Wild

This is our new Wet N' Wild!

     My brother and I got Gold passes to the new Wet N' Wild that opened up about ten minutes from our house. This was our first time actually going and spending a good amount of time there. Before we got out of the car I said "you've heard about my episodes that kind of make me go crazy and forget who I am and sometimes pass out right?" He looked at me and said "Duh you get them once a month.. it's called your period." *connect palm to forehead multiple times here* "No, I'm talking about when I forget who I am and sometimes pass out. If this were to ever happen here. There is no need for paramedics, I just need to take my meds and me monitored until I know where I am, and you need to call mom, her phone number is on the back of my bracelet." Soo you mean we can't ride the water slide? *connect palm to forehead again*
    We were standing in line for a ride and I just felt "off" that off you can't quite explain but you know it's something. About ten minutes later we scream our way down the water slide and exit and I could feel my legs. I kid you not I could not feel my legs. I told my brother to go hop in the wave pool that I was going to go buy another water and run to the restroom and meet him back at the waves. Well, some people just don't understand the point of I'm about to pass out you need to get me help because this guy just stared at me blankly. I ordered a THREE DOLLAR water bottle WHO CHARGES THREE DOLLARS FOR WATER IN THE DESERT?!?! Anyway, I finally get it and ask where the first aid is? "Uhhhhhhhh I don't know this is my fist day here." Is the response I get. I walk over to another lady who has a lifeguard uniform on. I asked her... "It's just over there, make a left....... at this point everything is garbled. I asked her to walk with me. "I'm sorry, I'm on break." Was her response. This is ridiculous. When I finally make it there BY MYSELF the receptionist is sitting behind her desk and two metro officers are sitting in the only two chairs in the small room. I'm now holding myself up with the wall let me add. "I'm about to pass out, I don't need 911 I just need help and to sit." Both the metro just start freaking out like calm down sirs I'm sure this is not the worst thing you've seen all day. The receptionist lady takes me back to a different room which is finally the first aid room and they have me sit on the cot. Where they watch me take my meds. They then call the EMT for Wet N' Wild, they apparently have they're own which is good to know. He came in and checked my vitals, made sure I didn't have a brain injury (I didn't), asked me the normal questions who are you, do you know where you are, president's name, who are you with... and that's when I remembered my brother. "Ehh he'll be fine. And if you're really worried about him we can send one of those cops out to go grab him from the pool." He also asked me one last question. "You've told me this is migraines any other medical conditions I should know about.. I answered hypoglycemia." I don't know why I haven't had a major blood sugar problem in a good month just upper 50's low 60's are the worst. "Have you tested recently?" I shook my head. He escorted me back over to my stuff and had me grab my kit and then walked back with me to the first aid room. The all to familiar *beep beep* and then it happened, 37 flashed on the screen. I know the rescue meds I'm taking and the one I took at the park today caused my bg to drop a little but I've never seen it do something like that yet."Do you want me to get you something for that?" he asked hesitantly. "Do I have a choice" I asked more sarcastically than anything. He shook his head and chuckled. His supervisor came in later and told me jokingly I'd have to get my left leg surgically removed.. that kind of lightened the mood. They finally let me leave 20 minutes later with my bg back up at 84 and my migraine gone. I didn't see the EMT again, but I kept running into the supervisor and he kept pretending to be shocked I still had my left leg. -_- There really is no moral to this story. It's more of a wow, that was kinda scary more than anything story. My brother still thinks I was in the bathroom the entire 30 minutes I was gone, but I don't think he realizes it was 30 minutes. Just another day in the life I guess. :)

Keep your head up and just keep swimming,
Ellie <3

My Head Fills With Water

     

 
       It was a water break. I felt fine, stressed, but other than that fine. I walked out of the gym and into the bathroom to wet a paper towel. Like every other water break I placed the cool towel on my head, rested my feet parallel up against the wall and laid on the floor in an attempted 90 degree angle, it's how I calm down and decompress. When the break is over someone comes out and collects me and we begin practice again. It's a routine, one that I'm used to, one that works for me. Well, at least until it doesn't work for me.
     On Monday night I was laying there, and the last thing I remember is my head filling up with water. The next thing I remember is my guard instructor and a janitor standing over me asking me to many questions waay to fast. I at the time had no idea who they were or where I was or why anyone was standing over me. My guard instructor told me I was a school for practice and them helped me up and back into the gym while I sat there pretty much crying the rest of the practice. When practice was over I got in my car and drove home. Still unsure of what happened, still not feeling back up to par, still crying. I didn't tell my mom, but I did tell Mrs. M my school nurse because now I'm scared to go to guard. I got the whole story Tuesday afternoon when my friend Maddy said she came out and nudged me a couple times (apparently I never responded) she went to get my instructor and while she was gone a janitor was sweeping past me and asked me if I was okay, he too went to find my instructor because I did not respond. I guess I had blacked out while lying down and I don't remember any of it... sadly, this is the third time this has happened in the past two weeks. Once last Wednesday in my English class, once Sunday morning on my church floor, and Monday night. I don't remember any of it and it freaks me out. It makes me scared to drive anywhere, it makes me scared to do guard or go running. It's no longer just my blood sugars anymore, I have those as under control as they're gonna get. It's just I keep blacking out. I've only told my mother about one of them because when I tell her I get a lecture on how "it's probably just stress, I'm probably over reacting, you're just making this all up to get attention." So I've stopped telling her. I started a folder and I write down EVERYTHING, from what I feel, to what people tell me happened after the fact. I have a neurologist app. on the 22nd because it's gotten so bad, and the school nurse is considering pulling me from color guard until I have the approval of the doctor to come back, I asked her not to because we have to competitions left and they're both circut finals and I can't let my team down. But it really does scare me and I really don't want to do guard. The fact that I can't remember what's happening to myself freaks me out. The only semi-good thing is every time I did blackout about five minutes before it's happening I feel my head filling up with water, don't ask me how that feels because I honestly can't explain it, but people know when I complain about my head filling with water I NEED to go to the nurse or not be alone. Hopefully we figure out what's wrong soon and I can move on with my life because this is becoming pretty annoying.

Keep your head and your spirits up,
Ellie <3      

I'm A Little Stuck

     I woke up last night at 10:15 and I had no clue where I was or who I was, I could feel my legs but the numbing sensation in them was freaking me out, my head was pounding and the moon light from my window made my head hurt worse, I was nauseous  dizzy, confused and the balance in my body was zero when I stood I fell back to the floor. Now looking back on it I probably should have gone to the ER, but at the time I didn't know who I was. The worst part is I remember it. I wasn't low, I'm pretty sure my mom checked that. I just wanted to sleep in the bathroom because like I said I felt so sick and I wanted a cool washcloth. I got out of bed and fell back to the floor (gracefully I hope). While I was lying on the floor face first I realized that I was in my own room, I remember everything. I got up again and used the wall to help me balance all the way to the kitchen. How I made it there I will never know. My mom came out to ask me if I was okay and I stood in the kitchen hunched over with a hand on the counter and the other on my forehead and I started sobbing. I was embarrassed, scared, confused and super spinny. She escorted me back to bed and gave me some Tylenol. I couldn't communicate to her what I was feeling. I couldn't tell her that all ten toes were now nonexistent  that the hot flashes were getting worse, that I woke up not knowing who or where I was. She stood there for a few more minutes and then left me with the dog who didn't leave my side the rest of the night.
     This is has been going on for the past month. Sometimes it's linked to blood sugar, but most the time it isn't. I've seen my doctor again and he referred me to a cardiologist again who literally asked me why I was there. None of the episodes look like heart problems. Everyone thinks that these are mini seizures. They think there is something wrong with my brain and the way it sends waves or something. They also think that if it is seizures my blood sugar could be effected when my brain waves are interrupted for what ever reason. I'm so confused and every appointment is just another dead end. This is all starting to get really frustrating and discouraging. It's not even the fact that I'm having the episodes, it's the fact that when they do happen there's nothing I can do. I just have to ride it out and hope it turns out okay in the end. Which sucks big time because I feel like hell when this happens. Do you have any suggestions on any of this? Because I'm stuck.

Keep your head up and always try to remember where you are,
Ellie <3 
P.S Just for laughs video: 

  

I. Am. Strong.

     This topic is really serious, it's been happening to me since eighth grade and no one has stepped up and helped. I know other teens my age are going through the same thing as well and that's why I wanted to wright about this. Please keep your negative comments to yourself although I doubt you will have any and if you have any advice please offer it up, whether it's by email or just commenting as well as questions. This is something no one has ever talked with me about and that's why it's so important to me that I get my story out there.
     When I was a Freshman two years ago I witnessed a threat and attempt on my best friend. I reported it and my name got out from another witness. I was stalked on facebook, sent threatening emails and was looked down upon at a school where I used to be respected. I tried telling my parents that I was scared to go to school that a kid had pointed at me and said "I'm going to burn your house down." or "you better watch your back while you're walking home." It scared me, but my parents said that I was over reacting or just being paranoid  Then it just became constant, what I call bullying, what everyone else calls high school. I was teased and picked on, I would leave class crying because someone called me a whore or said something about me. I asked for help, I talked to my parents, I tried everything. No one came. I started cutting. Not on my wrists because I'm smarter than that I simply picked at the cuiticals of my nails  sometimes I would peel off so much skin I would bleed profusely  It wasn't healthy and I knew that, but I was crying for help. I started having thoughts of suicide, at first it was just am I really worth staying on this planet, but it then became more serious like if I were to do it how and when. I told a friend and she called my mom to come pick me up. I told my mom flat out that I was thinking about taking my life. I asked if I could see a counselor, I asked if they could help me, but no one would listen. I faded into the white noise of statistics and I never looked back. I bottled it all up inside me and kept going. The only people outside of my mother that knew this was the one friend and someone else really close to me. Flash forward to now. I just came back from Thanksgiving vacation, literally pulling into the garage when I got a text from a different friend asking me if it was true. If I really was suicidal freak on medication. The rumor spread. I walked into class late one day from the nurse after treating a very scary 30 and the first thing I hear was "she must have forgotten her medication today because she looks gross." I know I should be above caring at this point, and I know I should let it roll of my back, but when someone says that, when rumors spread about you it hurts. I feel betrayed by that person I trusted enough to tell this too, and I'm tired of hearing people say things about me, but because I'm letting this get the best of me I'm struggling in school. I have all D's right now and I'm being called imperfect by my parents. The pressures are getting to me again and as hard as I look, I can't find an outlet. I know I'm strong and I know there are other things out there besides suicide, and I'm not in that state at all, but I know there are other people out there besides me who are literally crying out for help and they are being over looked. I don't know how to help them, and I don't know what I can do, but if you do come across someone like me please don't tell them they are stupid for feeling betrayed and hurt and scared. We just want someone to listen to us, and to tell us that they care. As for the person who started the rumor I can guarantee that the next time we see each other they will not be smiling as they limp away. I just wanted you guys to know who I am and what I really struggle with because really I'm not perfect and I do need help, but I know others out there need help to and my story just might be the one to show them that they are not alone.

So please keep your head up and stay strong,
Ellie <3

The Point Of No Return

          I need one of these. A button to push when all else fails would be amazing! Lately I have been having these freak panic attacks not to many of them have been too serious, but there have been a few. My brain will get mentally all worked up about one thing or another and then it just keeps rolling down hill from there until I reach the point of no return. I find myself freaking out with my heart racing, my hands tingling and my breathing becomes short and shallow and a few times my breathing has just flat out stops. My a few of my friends have been amazing and have learned to watch for the early warning signs of an attack and will walk me through it, but I can't always depend on them. In the end I have to keep myself breathing, I am in charge of me. When I do notice I'm mentally panicking I try to pull myself out of the situation, like if I'm in the middle of lunch I try to go out in the hallway where there are less people. I notice that I rub my fingers together when they get tingly and I get really really over heated. I've learned. I don't know why these are happening and what's stressing me out so much, but I know that in the past two weeks I've had at least 10 minor attacks and 3 big ones. They're scary and it's getting to the point where I don't want to trust myself alone, but like always I will conquer this and I will keep living my life. So if you've ever had a panic attack and have some suggestions on getting through it PLEASE share them with me because I'm a little worried right now.

Keep your head up and your panic button close,
Ellie <3

It's Not Fair

     Do you know what it's like to not breath? What it's like to feel captive inside your own body, to want to move and do things, but being constrained to the spot you're already in. I know what that feels like. I've been in that spot more than plenty times this past week. I knew the signs well in advance, but because there was so much other stuff going on in my life I looked past all of it. I looked past the dizziness, the clouded vision, the dilated eyes, the confusion, the blurry vision, I looked past all of it. Looking back, everybody around me said they knew something was wrong, but because I had been in such a bad mood they didn't want to push the subject. They said I was distant and my face went pale, they said my speech kinda slurred, my thoughts were speratic and and jumbled they just knew that I had been in such a hole this past week that they didn't want to say anything. None of us realized how serious it was until I was sitting in the nurse bawling because they wouldn't let me go to sixth because I was 28. I was 28... Just saying that in my head makes me want to cry. It's a scary THOUGHT to THINK, but you never think that will really happen to you. That is until it does and you want to kill everything in your path because if you have to feel like this they should too, because if  you can't go to one of your favorite classes they shouldn't be able to either. It just isn't fair. None of this is fair. I missed instructions that are really important, I missed notes that are really important, I miss seeing my friends and being there. And now because of that 28 I have to test everyday before guard and I CAN NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES participate if I'm under 80.. It's not fair. Other kids can go to class and learn and whine about it, but I'm sometimes stuck in the office and I mean I love our nurse it's just not where I want to spend my time during the school day. I've gotten used to the fact, I've become okay with it, it's just not fair. I know, I know, life is never fair, but I think once, just once, life could bend the rules. Do you think any of this is fair?

Keep your head up and keep breathing,
Ellie <3

Why Are We Calling Your Mother?

   
      I walked up to the nurse for the first time my feet dragging, hands shaking, head in a cloud. I plop my bag on the chairs and walk over to the counter with my bag in hand. I prick my finger and look over at the Mrs. K the FASA with a dead look on my face. "You're low aren't you?" She asked looking over at me.
"Yup. 44." I answered putting my kit back in my back pack. I sat down on the chair and began slowly munching on my Oreo Thins (Goodness I love those things). 15 minutes later I test again, "54." I reported to Mrs. M. I'm not allowed to leave the office unless I'm 70. I ate a granola bar hoping it would push me back into the safe zone so I could continue on with my crappy day. After 15 minutes I tested again (ode the joys) I looked down at the screen to see a 48. Why it went back down I will never know. Mrs. M looked at the number and said drink this and handed me two kaprisuns. 10 minutes after that I tested again at a 59. "Can I please just go to class? It's math and I'm missing notes and all that jazz." I asked. She let me go as long as she walked me there and I came back during the next passing period. So I did, I came back and I tested just like always. "68." I reported zipping up the case.
"Why isn't it going up? Am I gonna have to call your mother?" Mrs. M fake threatened handing me another juice box.
"Why are we calling your mother?" A school police asked as I sat down in my chair. He was serious too. If Mrs. M hadn't of explained to him the situation and why I looked drunk and high and all out of sorts he probably would have. "Oh so that's why you look so drunk and stoned." He said after the shpeel. I then told him the story of me walking home from the bus stop and being pulled over by our neighborhood cop because I was stumbling and acting funny. He just sat there and looked at me. Now I'm sure he'll be asking more questions every time I pass him in the hallway too, but then again I guess I'm used to that.

Keep your head up and you blood sugar higher,
Ellie <3

Win For Elizabeth!

   
     Improve, thinking on your feet, witty, sarcastic, rude... I don't care what you call it we've all had those amazing one liners that you came up with quickly as come backs. Today mine is worth sharing. After kettlebells my mother texted me asking me to pick up some ice cream on my way home. I stopped at the store and because I drive a bigger truck I parked in the back. It was a well lit parking lot and there were plenty of people coming in and out I didn't feel unsafe or anything so I continued on my mission for ice cream. Coming out of the store I looked around. There was me, an elderly man and a very large group of teenage boys walking my direction. I got out my keys and headed straight towards my truck. The large group of boys kept walking towards me and now I could hear what they were saying. They were making comments back and forth about me, and how hot I was... all while I was thinking of ways to kick their asses should anything go wrong. Just as I was opening my door one of the boys got a little closer, not close enough for me to feel threatened, just close enough for it to be creepy, and he said directed at me "why don't you come and get some." Right then I responded "you wish." with a tiny bit of well must I say B*!%^yness to it. I then proceeded to get in my car and drive away smirking as they all stood there in the middle of the parking lot with their jaws on the ground. And that my friends is Elizabeth's win for the night. :) So what is the lesson of this story?
To always have your snarky one liners ready... you'll never know when you may need them.

Keep your head up and your comebacks ready,
Ellie <3

Besides Internally Panicking

Oh hey 56, let's accompany you with a juice box and get you back up.
48, one juice box and some type of protein.
32, two juice boxes and a lot of sitting around.
Numbers get thrown at me fast and hard, but I try to always be prepared to face the music with something to raise my blood sugar the second I realize it's low. But what happens when I forget to pack something to correct it with? What happens when I don't realize I'm low until its to late. What is one to do in this situation besides internally panicking??
Do you fake it as though your fine and not draw attention to yourself or do you flail your arms screaming "Who has food?!?!" Especially when you're as low as 41? I'm an independent person. I will go out of my way to help other people, but I hate having to ask people for help or for favors. Every one I come in contact with on a daily basis are always willing to help or go out of their way to do what ever needs to be done when I can't really think for myself. I just hate telling people when it gets to that point. I try to brush it off as though it is nothing or I'm just tired, but inside I know it's more than that and I know I should really let someone know. I just can't bring myself to starting that process. For me, asking for help is like pulling teeth. I just don't want to let it come to that. So what would you do if your blood sugar is 41, you're slipping in and out of sleep, and you have nothing to correct with? Well, beside internally panicking.

Keep your head up and your suggestions coming,
Ellie <3

Keep Fighting

     I've decided to post this after much debate. I think it's something that needs to be told, but I also think it's something that could haunt us for a while. So if you are someone who is sensitive to medical things or are scared of severe low blood sugars I would encourage you to use discretion, because unfortunately this is a true story.
     I went camping this past weekend. It wasn't like a normal camping trip it was camping with upwards 900 other people maybe topping 1000 including spectators. I was down the hill at registration helping some of the ladies with paper work and stuff when the dreaded words came across the radio, it didn't stop anybody else in their tracks, but to me I felt my chest tighten and I couldn't breath. A younger male was having a seizure, they needed medics and oxygen asap and let's get a flight for life in the air it looks like a bad one. I sat their helping register another family trying to hide the pain that I felt for this poor man waiting for confirmation he was okay. Then I heard it again, he's got a medical ID let's call for a glucometer. The ID had no info just a phone number and a name. The guy was conscious, but not in any state to respond to questions. I quickly reached into my back pocket and told one of the ladies to grab the radio and tell them I had a way to test blood sugar and just before she did I stopped her. I didn't have strips. I didn't have enough money to go buy more before we left and my mom wouldn't spot me any because, well she doesn't believe me. I only carried my meter so that if something like this were to happen to me they could tell, they would know. The radios went silent, the helicopter landed and they transported the type one diabetic to the hospital. His blood glucose meter and his insulin still sitting in his car at the base of the hill. When I got back up to the top my mom ran over to me. "They were calling for a meter! I couldn't find yours, I took down the bag with the little strip bottles, but they couldn't find the meter!" She realized that day how important it was that we figure out what is causing my blood sugar to drop, she realized that she needed to help buy strips when ever she can because that could have easily been me. I did find out that the man was stable. The cause of the seizure was dehydration, but he also had a bg of 50. He just like me was not approved to carry a glucagon because there was no real evidence that blood sugars would go that low. He'd never passed out before, and he'd never been unconscious. We're all fighting this very scary battle. I don't wear an insulin pump or have to give myself shots, but I respect those who do and I give huge props to those who do, but we're all fighting the fight of blood sugars. We all have those high-five worthy days, and we all have those that was a close call days. We're all going through it, and we're all going to get through it. That man showed me all the more that I need to fight with all I have to get a proper diagnosis and have people help me figure out the right ways to prevent something like that from happening. That man also showed my mother how much she had to learn and how much more she could be of assistance in my fight. I just ask you all to keep fighting, and to pray for that man. This is our fight, and We. Will. Win.

Keep your head up and keep FIGHTING,
Ellie <3