Suspiciously Dressed Female

   

      I know I haven't posted lately, it's been super crazy and their really hasn't been much to blog about story wise... until today...
     I'm walking again!! It's been 50 some odd days since my last seizure! WOO HOO!! Every day is another day closer to having this whole mess behind me. It will always be with me, but it will be on the back burner of my brain which I can deal with. I'm starting to get back to normal. Which is a funny word to think about because I haven't been "normal" for almost ten months. I'm able to have alone time again with out someone constantly with me 24/7. And a big this is I'm able to walk by myself again! I'm allowed to walk to work which is a big step for me since the last time I walked to work two guys found me twitching on the side walk. So in between my house and my work is a park and there's a four foot wall almost all the way around this park. So everyday when I walk to work I hop the wall, if I were to walk around the park and not hop the wall it would add an extra 1/4 mile to my walk and I'm going to admit I'm lazy. So anyway I've been hopping this fence since August, minus when I wasn't walking. About 1/2 a mile past this fence a cop car pulls up next to me. He rolls down his window, I take out my ear buds. He steps out of his car and asked me what I was doing. I said I was walking to work. He asked me where I was coming from. I answered home. He asked me if he could see some ID. I pulled out my ID and asked why he had stopped me. He said "We got a call from someone saying a suspiciously dressed female was hopping fences." Let's keep in mind that I'm wearing black work pants and a Star Wars shirt, if that's suspicious I'm concerned. I was like "soo you assume that's me right?" He nodded. I explained to him that the fence I hopped was the park fence... and public park. And that I was just being lazy and didn't want to walk all the way around. He asked me a few other standard questions. About five minutes later he handed me back my ID and started to get back in the car. "Soo about the fence, am I allowed to continue to hop it?" I asked because I would like to know for the next time this happens. "Yup. Have a good day at work." And then he drove away. I got the cops called! This has happened once before walking home from the bus stop but not because I was hopping the fence, because I was super low and looked like I was drunk.

Keep your head up and don't hop fences,
Ellie <3
   

Work Life

 

  I love where I work. Work has become something I look forward to. It's my one opportunity to get out of the house. I love the people I work with, I love what I do there. I just love work. Yes, I've have had some episodes, but we taught them how to handle it and they've been cool with it so far. Today I felt an episode coming on so I asked my lead to stand in for me. He seemed frustrated about it. I felt bad because we were really really busy and now he had to stop what he was doing and stand in for me. I walked into the break room and a manager came in and sat with me until I went out and then she pulled me out of it. That's the nice thing. I can feel them coming and give everybody a heads up, and there are ways to pull me out of an episode. I was back to my spot in less than five minutes and everything was fine. I still felt really bad because they happen a lot and I know it's probably scary for them as well. Later I was standing at a new spot where I'm off by myself. There's guests and everything, but none of my coworkers pass by very often. We have a call button that we can push in case of emergencies that connects to the office. So although I hate pushing the call button for me, I had to because I didn't want to go down in front of our guests. So once again I was rushed into the break room, went out, brought back all with in a matter of minutes. I called my mom just to let her know what was going on and my mom was frazzled because she was far away. Because we live so close to work, if they feel it's necessary one of my parents sits in the parking lot so that they can come in if need be. I asked my manager if he wanted someone to come sit, because it was really busy. They all laughed and said "no we got this handled." Hearing that was awesome. It reassured me that I wasn't being a burden. That they weren't mad at me. I can't control when my episodes happen, I can't control that they happen. They understand that and are willing to work with me and help me out when ever needed. That's good to know. Just another reason why I love where I work.

Keep your head up and keep your head up,
Ellie <3

Only I Could Master Going Low At a Place Like This

Before I begin this is NOT A POLITICAL POST I PROMISE!!!! It just takes place on Election Day.
      Through my school, I found out that on election day I had an opportunity to work at the polls. And in Nevada we get the day off so I jumped on the opportunity to be apart of the voting process even though I'm not old enough to vote. I was supposed to bring as much food as I was not allowed to leave the polling place during the day. I showed up to our polling which was at the fire station just down the road. We were showed where the kitchen was as that would be where we were taking our breaks and the fire fighters were all really nice. The polls opened and we were off and running. Everything was going smoothly until my five o'clock break. I tested and looked at the 36. No symptoms at all. I took a bag of crackers into the kitchen and began nibbling at them. I was starring at the wall when the firemen came back. One guy looked at me and asked if I was okay, I just kinda looked at him and didn't answer. He snapped his fingers in front of my face and asked me again. All I could really choke out was "I'm just low." And I went quiet again. I was now half way through my second fruit snack and he was still just sitting in the kitchen glancing over his shoulder every once and a while checking on me. Because if there's one great thing about going low on election day, it being in a fire station at the same time. I started shifting back into life and he started asking me questions. "How low were you?" 36. "What is your target range?" At stuff like this between 80-120 but it's more important to keep it above 80. "How many carbs did you have?" A total of 45g. "What are you now?" 46. He didn't say anything when I got up and left a few seconds later. It was a bad night with a very stubborn string of lows. But, you bet I did amazing showing people from a distance how to use the voting machines. So thank you to the fire man who looked an awful lot like this guy:

Keep your head up and your political posts off facebook please,
Ellie <3

P.S~ sorry it took you guys three tries to eat dinner with out having an alarm sounding.

Keeping My Happy Face On

     I haven't posted in a while. Life has simply gotten away from me. In a matter of weeks I got my license, got a job, finish my second year of high school, got a boyfriend, and started being completely independent. I always knew that turning 16 would be a major turning point in my life. I just knew it, before that day I felt trapped, not in a bad way, but just trapped in a world where my world had to coinside with everyone else's. I couldn't do something if I couldn't find a ride, I couldn't eat somewhere if I couldn't find a ride or someone who would pay for me.. things like that. But now, I can do what ever I want, to an extent and I just feel free. I've let go of those strings that were attached to me and I've officially become my own person.

     And I'm not going to lie to you... This new found freedom has been AMAZING!! But, lately I've noticed that it's been taking it's toll. I've noticed that the emotional side has been weighing down on me, and the physical/medical side of it all has been making it's self known as well. And well, I've just been coping. I haven't been conquering, or fighting, or even trying, I've just been riding it. Sure I've come to terms with the fact that testing my blood sugar is no option and my boyfriend has been fine with that. It's just he's never seen  a sever moment where I can not physically handle things on my own, and I fear that if that does happen he won't know what to do because he just doesn't know. And I don't want to educate him or even bring it up because well it's still awkward. I don't want to HAVE to talk about it. But I know I HAVE to because my episodes lately are speratic with no pattern, and they've been bad.. like grey blurry vision, no freaking clue where I am, what I'm doing, or where I'm going, and dizziness like you can't imagine. And every time like clock work I test and I'm still hovering in the 120's-130's or every once and a while the 30's and 40's. I just don't understand it!!

It's like that elephant that sits in the middle of the room, except in my case it's that creepy monster.. (I have no pictures of me with elephants. Stick with me..) I feel like I'm slowly loosing hope. That there's nothing left to fight for, except for the fact that I have EVERYTHING left to fight for. So what do I do? To educate or not to educate? Tis is the question. And if I do, what do I say? Uhg... this is soo difficult.

For now I think I'll just keep my happy face on and keep riding it through.

Keep your head up and your happy face on,
Ellie <3

Party At My Place

   
     Today is my first day of work. Not volunteering, not helping my grandma and getting payed. Working. Being on a pay-roll, having to show up on time, you know the drill. My hours are great, I work from one in the afternoon until six at night. This way I have plenty of time in the mornings to hang out with my brother and do summery type things and then I have time at night to still make it to my new Kettlebells class at 7:15. It works for me. But what this also means is an earlier lunch, limited snack times for me, and a much later dinner. There is also not an onsite nurse that I can consult with if I ever become very low or just feel "off". Granted, I am working at a preschool so the kids will have a snack time that I will be able to sneak in some extra carbs, but I will be working in the play area/ gym. Which means stress overload and playing with kids. Which also means I will need twice as many fast acting carbs and a few more grams of protein to cover it all. Now I just feel like I'm already running in circles. So needless to say.. I'm nervous.
     It also really doesn't help that last night around 2:00 AM my blood sugar decided it was going to be a great time to go deep sea scuba diving and never come back up. So just like I do in the day time with a bg of 40 I did at night. Except, I was still half asleep. Right in the middle of a partying type dream. My best friends were all wasted and I was the only one sober (good for me!). Until I found the bottle of apple juice. So I was up for an hour and half doing juice box shots, rocking out to my ipod (quietly, normal people aren't up this hour) and pricking my finger every half hour or so. Yup. That was my night. Now I feel hung over and very slow to want to face the challenges of a new job this afternoon.
I. Will. Make. It.

Keep your head up and your mind open,
Ellie <3